2024 Nostalgia Re-readathon | SVH #108: Left at the Altar!

[luxken27]

Jessica Wakefield is living a double life! At the same time she and her twin sister, Elizabeth, are helping their new friend, Sue Gibbons, plan her wedding, Jessica's meeting secret with Sue's fiance, Jeremy Randall. Elizabeth warns her to stay away, but Jessica can't help herself - she's never been so much in love!

When Jeremy tells her he can't go through with marrying Sue, Jessica is ecstatic. But tragedy intervenes when Sue is stricken by a deadly disease, and torn by guilt, Jeremy decides he must walk down the aisle.

Will Jessica stand by and let Jeremy say "I do"?

Well, I suppose it was inevitable that a great book (by SV standards) is followed by a complete dud. This was poorly written, the characters reduced to crude personality traits, and pushed around the chess board in service of the plot. Anything approaching reality was thrown out the window. It was completely devoid of any nuance or callback to previous canon (or even the previous book!). What a letdown.

We pick up immediately where we left off, with Jeremy and Jessica making out in the rose bushes by the Wakefield house, during the engagement party for Jeremy and Sue. Elizabeth tracks them down and separates them, asking them WTF they think they're doing, but Jessica is angry and petulant. She refuses to give a toast to the happy couple and actually runs out of the room, leaving Liz to make an excuse before all that her poor twin can't hold her liquor (ha!).

Unlike the last book, where Jessica took what was the high road for her and basically did nothing but be around Jeremy, hoping that he changes his mind about marrying Sue, in this one she actively pursues her goal. She sneaks around with him behind Sue's back, gets stuck in an elevator with him, fakes a broken ankle on a hike, and even takes him away from his bachelor party! This is the sociopathic Jessica from early canon, where no scheme is too low in order to snag the man she supposedly loves.

Jessica is no longer moaning about being Forever Alone if Jeremy doesn't make her a teen bride. Instead, she declares herself mature and responsible enough to handle a relationship with a grown-ass man. Age gap? What age gap? She is almost pathetic here, in her schemes to win her man. She has no thought for Sam, much less AJ or any of her other boyfriends, whom she once declared her one and only. Jeremy is her ~soulmate~ and they were meant to be together!

Standing in their way is Sue, who is now syrupy sweet, constantly hugging and kissing on Jeremy and referring to Jessica as "cute" and "adorable" and basically a child, even though Sue herself is still a teenager as well. This enrages Jessica to no end, and only makes her want to steal Jeremy away even more. She views Jeremy as a poor victim of circumstances, even moreso when Sue drops her bombshell: she has the same rare blood disease that killed her mother and thus, has only a few years to live. She confides in Liz and Jess but begs them not to tell their parents or anyone else, which is certainly...a choice. Jessica immediately wonders if Sue could possibly be lying to them about her illness, and Liz admonishes her for it, saying that Jess only wonders that because she wants Jeremy for herself.

Jeremy in fact tells Jessica that he is going to call off the wedding and then he receives Sue's news and suddenly feels trapped. He doesn't have the heart to break off with her, especially considering she proposed to him. How can he leave her now, in her hour of need, when she only has a few years left to live? He sets himself up as a true martyr, which - GAG. His pedo-grooming ass has not only a teenager with a ring, but an even younger one on the side. Jessica's thoughts about being Jeremy's mistress are truly hilarious, but it only galvanizes her further: she's not going to settle for second place, dammit!

Meanwhile, Liz has truly gone off the deep end with her primitive-woman-hear-me-roar feminist phase, to the point where even Enid is telling her to knock it off. Liz is agonizing over whether to tell Todd about her fling with Luke in London; she finally decides to spill the beans when he returns from his grandmother's, only for him to beat her to the punch. Liz is so infuriated when Todd tells her that he spent time with another girl that she breaks up with him, and stays angry with him for most of the book. Way to be a complete hypocrite, Liz!

Steven, of all people, eventually clears the path for their reconciliation. Liz confesses to her own misadventure in London, and Todd is completely understanding/forgiving about it. He even tells her that maybe they are just kinda meant to have flings when they're apart, which I guess forever sets them up for cheating from here on out. This Todd is a complete 180 from the jealous jerk that we see later in the series, so enjoy him while you can. After the way Elizabeth treated him, I'm not sure why he was pining over her.

The third subplot in this book is Lila and Robby. Jessica plants the seed that maybe Robby is only interested in Lila for her money, so she decides to give him a taste of his own medicine by declaring herself an orphan and basically an indentured servant to the Fowlers. It backfires on her, of course, and Robby seems to be even more smitten with her, now that he believes they have poverty in common! Lila even goes so far as to attempt to make breakfast for him before fessing up to her lie and the reasons for it. Robby is also Mr Mature and assures Lila that he loves her for herself, not her money. They kiss and make up without incident moments before the big wedding.

Elizabeth and her friends throw Sue a lingerie shower the night before the wedding (to which Jessica's contribution is 3 pairs of oversized granny panties, LMAO). She is, however, furious when she learns that Robby is giving Jeremy a bachelor party. She goes off on how it's such a barbaric ritual and how Robby and Jeremy are probably throwing some wild bash with girls in bikinis everywhere. She ultimately decides she wants to raid the party and shame all the dudes that are there, and the others agree to go along - all except Sue, who decides that she trusts her man completely and is tired after her own party. So Liz, Jess, Amy, Olivia, Enid, and Lila dress up as English bobbies, complete with fake mustaches and hats, and crash the bachelor party.

Some wild party it turns out to be - Robby figured that it would be much more classy and sophisticated if he gave a quiet eight-course dinner party by candlelight instead of the strippers-and-booze fest that pretty much everyone is expecting. Even though all of the people who attend the party are in high school (plus Steven because he's needed as someone for Todd to talk to). What is up with these grown-ass adults having grown-ass parties with only underage minors in attendance?? It's gross on so many different levels, ugh.

Anyway, the girls show up, Robby gives in and puts on some music so everyone can dance around his living room. I'm unclear if he is still house-sitting for his dad's boss at this point (and when he invites Lila over to make him breakfast), so this is doubly dubious. Jeremy confesses to Robby that he's in love with Jessica and is only marrying Sue because she's dying, and Robby is like, "okay, do whatever makes you happy, you know I got your back." He stands aside when Jeremy and Jessica leave (in full view of everyone). Elizabeth, newly reconciled with Todd, has made the sudden decision to stop trying to control her sister and also lets them go.

Jeremy and Jessica share the sunrise; Jessica is still trying to figure out how to keep Jeremy from marrying Sue, while Jeremy is desperately trying to escape the situation altogether. He's not man enough on his own to call off this whole shindig, and no man enough to stay away from Jessica, either. So he's pretty damn pathetic in this book, as well as being a pedo-grooming ass.

So finally, we come to the Big Day, the beach-side wedding ceremony. Jessica is frozen in horror because they are marrying on the very spot where she and Jeremy first met, and she would rather die than go through with being a bridesmaid. Liz compels her to go through with her promise, and Jessica is able to only just hold it in before bursting out at the most cliche moment possible. The whole scene is something to behold, truly:

"If any man or woman knows of any reason why this couple should not be joined as one under the realm of God, speak now, or forever hold your peace."

Elizabeth held her breath and closed her eyes.

"I do!" Jessica shouted.

Elizabeth couldn't believe what she was hearing. Maybe she imagined it. She opened her eyes and saw the shocked expression on Father Bishop's face, and she knew her worst fears had come true.

"You do what?" Father Bishop asked. His voice was shaking.

"I know why they shouldn't be married," Jessica said as tears rolled down her face.

"And what might that reason be, my child?" Father Bishop asked as sweat formed on his brow and his neck turned red inside his clerical collar.

"Jeremy can't marry Sue because he's not in love with her," Jessica blurted out. The crowd seemed to gasp him horror at the same time.

"What are you talking about?" Sue shouted at Jessica.

"It's the truth, Sue," Jessica said. "Jeremy's really in love with me."

"Jeremy?" Sue looked at Jeremy, anticipating a denial.

"Is this true?" Father Bishop asked Jeremy. "Are you in love with this young lady here?"

Jeremy looked at Sue and then at Father Bishop. "Yes, Father," he said sadly. "It's true."

"Well, then, that is that," Father Bishop pronounced. "This ceremony is officially void and null."

It's like - that's not how this works, that's not how any of this works! It's badly written soap opera fanfic, complete with Sue swooning and Mrs Wakefield saying something incredibly ugly to Jessica before running to cradle her BFF's daughter in her arms. Chaos and confusion reign, while Jess is led away by Liz and Jeremy is taken in the opposite direction by the officiant.

I can only just shake my head at this nonsense. Perhaps most amusing of all, the little teaser blurb calls the next three-part series Sweet Valley Scandal, when in fact this two-parter was actually labeled that and the rest of the series was called something else. It's sloppy right to the final word, which is only fitting IMO.