Inuyasha | Rhapsody in Eight Movements

[luxken27]

Title: Rhapsody in Eight Movements
Fandom: Inuyasha
Universe: Alternate (Modern day Japan)
Genre: Mystery, Suspense
Rating: T
Warning(s): Mentions of death, the treatment of mental illnesses
Summary: When a mysterious man washes ashore on Halloween night, it becomes a race against time to uncover his identity – and the circumstances that left him there.

Links: DW | FF.net | AO3

So, did you correctly guess the mystery man's identity?

It's never explicitly revealed, and that was on purpose. The importance of the story is the journey taken, not necessarily the person who took it. Almost any of the major characters from the IY canon could be slotted into place, depending on where your sympathies lie. All of them - - Inuyasha, Kagome, Miroku, Sango, Kohaku, Rin, Sesshoumaru, Naraku, Kikyo, Kagura - fought battles with their obsessions, whether it was the Shikon no Tama, or swords, or power, or curses, or each other. They struggled with their weaknesses and vulnerabilities. They all found a way out, positive or no.

So basically, whoever you think embodies the struggles of our protagonist is the protagonist.

Of course, I have my own thoughts on the matter ;) and tried to keep the characterization authentic. My tortured victim was Sesshoumaru, because it is with him that my sympathies lie, beyond the main thrust of the canon story. He's my favorite character in this entire world, and actually one of my favorite characters ever, if for his complexity. I dropped a few hints here - his physical description, the perfectionist streak, the mention of constantly-moving (and implied important) parents and his struggles in rebelling against them. This is an alternate universe, and my take on AUs is to parallel the canon instead of following it strictly - so not all of the usual heuristics apply. With my AUs, I take these wonderful characters from their canon universe and move them into different scenarios without changing their fundamental personality or core characteristics. It's a way to explore all of their many layers, away from the constraints of the story.

Why Sesshoumaru? Well, long-time readers probably have a clue :P but basically, it's because he fascinates me. If he was human, I think he would still have that cool, impassive exterior - but I think it would be accompanied by a deep, rich emotional center. I see him as very elegant, very methodical, but also troubled. He has daddy issues out the wazoo in canon (and familial issues in general, but it always goes back to his father), and considering the circumstances of his early life, I think that's understandable. It's also one of the easiest scenarios to transform, to bring into the modern world and tinker around with, without losing much of his central character.

In the canon, he is obsessed with his father's swords, and the inheritance that he believes is rightly his - and that not receiving it was a personal slight. Not until he came to peace with that did he discover his own inner strength (and his own sword), but he had to face it head-on. He lost an arm, he lost a sword (Tokijn), he lost a life (Rin's) that he decided to bring back on a whim. He went to hell and back to learn all of his painful lessons.

And that's what I did to him here - sent him through hell and back, until he realized that the only way he could face his problems was to meet them head-on, to work through all of the pain in order to find out just exactly who he was again.

I took this route via mental illness. I didn't mean to make him come off as crazycakes - the madness of which he speaks is the music that has been forced upon him in order to cultivate his talent; his parents, important diplomatic-types (hence all of the moving, and his familiarity with all of the different oceans/seas in Europe & Asia), basically shunted him off to a Swiss conservatory for an education and some sense of stability. Unfortunately, they left him to suffer, because they didn't understand what was going on in his head - they did what they thought was best for him, without much input from him.

This chapter is very tightly based around the inspiration song for the entire piece, which is mentioned/linked in the end notes: “Into the Ocean” by Blue October, from their 2006 album Foiled:

This song, written by lead singer Justin Furstenfeld, is a pretty damn frank song about suicide. Furstenfeld has made no secret of his own struggles with mental illness, but even without knowing anything about him, I think it's plain and clear and very, very evocative in his lyrics:

I'm just a normal boy
That sank when I fell overboard
My ship would leave the country
But I'd rather swim ashore

Without a life vest I'd be stuck again
Wish I was much more masculine
Maybe then I could learn to swim
Like 'fourteen miles away'

Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be...
be...

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up, take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now come down
Let the rain come down

Where is the Coast Guard?
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam, junk will do just fine
the jetsam sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life, believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing?)

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up, take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now come down
Let the rain come down

Now waking to the sun
I calculate what I had done
Like jumping from the bow, yeah
Just to prove I knew how, yeah
It's midnight's late reminder of
The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
Set front row in my need to fall

Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean...end it all

[Zayra]
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now come down
Let the rain come down

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(Into space)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(I thought of just your face)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

It's rare to find such a blunt, first-hand account of the spiral that results in suicidal thoughts, and I knew I had to use it, somehow, to get the desperation and the struggle of our victim's plight across. The quoted lyrics bunch up around the narrative of the night he finally decided to jump, because these thoughts were racing through his head. The centered text makes your eyes jump from line to line to line, invoking some of the distress and hopelessness that is extreme suicidality. Nobody truly kills themselves for the hell of it.

Obviously, the method of attempt was also inspired by this song ("Like jumping from the bow, yeah / Just to prove I knew how, yeah"), but I also chose it because it seems like the people who jump to their deaths, especially from bridges, ruminate rather heavily on this idea. They pick their spot. They visit it before hand, sometimes. They pace back and forth, staring down into the water. It's definitely not a method to take lightly - its probably one of the most brutal, given the horrible impact of the body meeting the water. (Source: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8)

Also, rather ironically, the body has an involuntary reaction to drowning, a mechanism that is actually what keeps many unfortunate victims from seeking aid (Source - everything ever asked about drowning on AskMeFi). All in all, it's not the best way to go, and I think one would have to be driven to extreme emotional distress to choose it - via trauma, or depression, or psychosis, or whatever.

Granted, jumping from a boat is not the same as jumping from the Golden Gate bridge, but still: the intent is the same. If you're not dead the moment you hit the water, then you're just as content to be swept into the depths below.

Writing about our victim's early connection to the sea was not meant to imply that he's always been suicidal - just that it's not a place he has any fear of, one he's always found rather soothing, in fact. I first made the connection between Sesshoumaru and the sea via Resmiranda's Takes from the House of the Moon, and I've always rather liked it, if only because he doesn't seem particularly tied to any other natural force, like Inuyasha is with his forest.

So if Sesshoumaru was my intended victim, them how did the others match up with their characters in the story? I've already explained a few of them, in past notes where they first appeared: Miroku and Sango, Inuyasha & Mushin, Kagome. I wrote the hospital administrator part with Naraku in mind (the only other major character who had a very cold, very firm sense of order), and of course, Rin's caring nature (and how she cared for Sesshoumaru from the moment she first met him in the canon) made her the perfect match for an ICU nurse.

But, as I said, this was simply my interpretation - if the characters slotted in differently for you, then I say run with it =) As I said from the top, this is an experimental fic; I trust that the readers who stuck with me til the end are not the sort to feel insulted by the ambiguous ending.

One last thing to mention - rather ironic, as it is the biggest thing - was that this story was originally inspired by a true incident. (This is also why I set the course of events in 2005, as that was when this true event happened.) Andreas Grassl was the original Piano Man. He was a German man who was found wandering around in the rain in England without ID, and with seemingly no memory of who he was or how he'd arrived there. His case rather quickly drew the attention of the authorities and of the media because it was so unusual. I remember following it at the time and simply feeling captivated - it is very rare, indeed, that dissociative fugues are documented in real time.

There is some conflict over whether or not this was all a hoax; I tend to believe it wasn't, but that's only my opinion. Apparently he'd fled from his small hometown in Germany because he (or his family) couldn't deal with his sexuality; he took jobs across France before taking his last 30 euros to by a train ticket to England.

Here are some more articles about his case:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2005/may/16/stevenmorris
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2005/may/19/thisweekssciencequestions4
http://www.spiegel.de/international/spiegel/the-lost-son-the-life-and-travails-of-the-piano-man-a-372244.html

...as well as an archive of information that was founded during the case: http://www.delectomorfo.com/pianoman/menu.php

The response to this story has been simply overwhelming. I never, ever expected this story to attract as many interested readers as it seems to have done, so its been pleasant and wonderful and reminded me of why I enjoyed being in IY fandom in the first place. Thank you, truly, to everyone who read along, offered their thoughts and speculations, and even just welcomed me back/cheered me on. I've been in tiny fandoms for so long I'd forgotten what it was like to receive more than a handful of reviews! Just - lovely ♥

I'm definitely looking forward to my next projects, including finishing up my magnum opus Fleeting.