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Perception (Prompt #23) | Inuyasha
Collection Title: Fleeting
Genre: Drama/Romance
Rating: Y
Summary: A collection of oneshots & drabbles centered around the fleeting moments in Sesshoumaru's and Kagome's relationship as they fumble towards one another. AU; Serial.
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un_love_you Prompt Table here. Prompt for this piece is: #23: “You remind me of me.”
Title: Perception
Universe: Alternate (modern era)
Rating: Y (citrus)
Word Count: 3403
Pairing: Sesshoumaru/Kagome
Summary: Sesshoumaru’s perceptions – of himself, and of Kagome – shift following a traumatic event.
Author’s Note: #12 in a series. Part 1 | Parts 2-11
Many thanks to Ben Folds Five, who provided the inspiration lyric for this piece:
Maybe I'm thinking myself in a hole / wondering / who I am when I ought to know
Disclaimer: The Inuyasha concept, story, and characters are copyright Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Media.
~*~
“Are you sure?” Kagome asked softly, curling her hands into Sesshoumaru’s hair.
He nodded slowly, enjoying the feel of her fingernails raking against his scalp. “I’m sorry.”
She sighed, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against his. “There’s nothing I can do to tempt you away from this place?” she asked mournfully.
He laughed. “Now, I didn’t say that,” he teased, allowing his fingers to trace the line of her jaw. “But you know I have to finish this, and there are far too many…distractions at home that preclude my concentration.”
He was granted the smile he desired, if only for a moment. “But it’s like you live here these days,” she said distastefully, glancing up at the three walls that surrounded them in the basement of the library. “I miss you.”
“It’s not forever,” he reminded her, gently running his thumbs over her cheekbones. “My thesis is due for formal review at the end of the month. It’s just a few weeks longer…”
A small wave of irritation rolled through him as she averted her eyes and bit her bottom lip. What more can I do? he groused internally. She knows this is important to me, and that just because things between us have changed…doesn’t mean this has, too.
At least, not in the way she imagined. Along with the final version of his paper, he was to turn in applications for post-grad internships. At the top of that list? A spot in her family’s company, one he still hadn’t told her about.
He furrowed his brow as she continued to worry her lower lip. “Is everything okay?” he asked, a hint of hesitation in his voice.
“Of course!” she replied, her tone a trifle too cheery as she raised her eyes to meet his. “I’m just sad you’re insisting on staying here, instead of coming home with me.”
“Dinner isn’t enough for you?” he joked. She had managed to tempt him away from his studies for that, a nice, long, relaxing meal at a nearby restaurant.
Her eyes hooded. “Not when you deny me dessert,” she replied coyly, drawing her lips to his, pressing a tiny kiss at the corner of his mouth. The move had exactly the effect she intended: he shifted slightly, kissing her fully, nipping lightly on the edge of her lip before pulling away.
“Rain check,” he breathed. “I just need a few more hours here, I promise. Then I’m all yours.”
She stood up, heaving an exaggerated sigh as she gathered her things from the corner of his small study carrel. “A few hours is better than a few weeks, I suppose,” she relented. She pressed a kiss to his cheek as he turned back to the desk. “I’ll be waiting.”
“I’ll be there,” he assured her, unable to resist a small smile as he watched her leave. It had taken some getting used to – being back in a relationship, especially with someone who was so openly affectionate – but in the small moments, like these, he was undeniably happy.
He shifted the notes on the desk, his hand inadvertently landing on the stack of applications he’d picked up earlier that day.
And it was small moments, like these, when he completely hated himself.
It had been two months – two long, glorious months since their relationship had shifted, from one of casual housemates to something much more. Admittedly, some aspects of it he was still getting used to. He’d never been a touchy-feeling sort of person, not even around his own family, and even now, Kagome sometimes surprised him, unexpectedly grabbing his hand – arm – waist – or his hair, which she had a particular fascination with. She seemed to relish the idea of loosening his inhibitions, both in public and in private. Even if it was he who initiated contact, things always ended the same way – him, pinned down (usually on the common room sofa) with her straddling him, firmly in control, pulling at his clothes and kissing him senseless. Not that he minded, especially given her penchant for wearing skirts, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep himself – and their making out – under control.
He prided himself on being self contained. He thought he could handle this, find a way to enjoy her affections, but to protect his heart at the same time, mindful of the inevitable conclusion...
But he was wrong.
She was too tempting, too adoring, too loyal. He was a breath away from falling in love, from giving in to her demands, from letting her completely into his heart.
I wish I could pretend that none of this was happening, he thought morosely as he eyed the applications. He hadn’t had sex in three years, and never with someone as passionate or free as Kagome…but he couldn’t. His honor and pride resurfaced, without fail, before things got out truly of hand. She was probably frustrated at the slow pace of their physical relationship, but he adamantly refused to do something that would, ultimately, hurt her.
He found no pleasure in that.
And so, he took small steps to keep such enticement at bay. He didn’t allow her to stay the night in his room – in his bed – and he gave her the same courtesy. He spent most of the day away from the apartment – in class or at the library – working diligently. They’d settled into something of a routine, having lunch together between classes, then dinner later that night, which usually segued into “quality time” at home. Even in the heat of the most intense moments – and last time, clothes had come off, and they’d somehow ended up on the floor – he knew her secret weak spots, patches of skin to kiss or caress that would bring her down and – if he did it right – leave her wanting more.
It was absolute, total agony to retreat to bed alone some nights, but he kept telling himself, it was for the best. He knew exactly what sort of position he as putting Kagome in, because the last time he’d dared give his heart away, it was handed back to him on a platter, complete with resounding laughter, by a gold-digging bitch only interested in his family’s wealth and power.
That memory, along with the guilt about keeping something so vitally important from her, held him quite firmly in check.
He shoved the thoughts from his mind, pushing the applications for spring internships aside and concentrating on his notes for his thesis. He was revising the second-to-last chapter, to be handed in the next day, before taking the plunge and attempting to polish the whole thing off. His advisor’s criticisms had lessened of late, and he wanted to ride that good momentum until the end. Finishing this paper would take a load off his mind, and maybe then he could figure out a way have his cake and eat it, too.
~*~
Sesshoumaru shrugged into his coat, belting it firmly before grabbing his bag. It was much later than he anticipated, and though he would have gladly spent the rest of the evening picking over his word choice for this chapter of his thesis, he was cognizant of the fact that he’d also promised to spend some time with Kagome that evening.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m over-thinking this, he mused as he stepped out in the chilly early spring air, his keys dangling from his hand as he moved through the parking lot towards his car. If I was any other guy, this probably wouldn’t be an issue for them. Hell, if I was my father, this certainly wouldn’t be an issue for him – he’d take his pleasure and run…
He frowned as he slipped into the driver’s seat, adjusting the review mirror. His father was certainly the last person he wanted to think about right now, considering the man was the source of all his trouble. He’d somehow found out about their relationship – from Inuyasha, he suspected, that conniving bastard – and was under the impression that he, Sesshoumaru, was finally falling into lockstep with the old man’s devious ways. When he got wind that he, Sesshoumaru, was applying for the internship at SHK, Kagome’s family’s business – as he undoubtedly would – his father would obviously expect that it was a move to become an operative on the inside.
The irony was bitter to the taste: Sesshoumaru wanted the job not for his father’s sake, but for his own – he was planning to use the position as leverage in the hostile takeover of his own inheritance. Ever since discovering his bastard child alive and well in Europe, his father had become devoted to bringing the boy into the family business – and that included positioning him quite powerfully within the company that was destined to be Sesshoumaru’s.
In a show of his derision for his legitimate son and heir – or maybe just for his own amusement – his father had also tasked Inuyasha to become closer to Kagome, who sat on the board of directors, in an attempt to secure a back door into the company, another way to take it over. So far, it seemed, Inuyasha was acting completely under his father’s orders, for reasons that were incomprehensible to Sesshoumaru. Had the boy no mind of his own? Was he that interested in his father’s approval?
It’s a lost cause, Sesshoumaru thought on the silent drive home. If I can’t win Father’s affection after nearly twenty years, you don’t have a chance in hell, Inuyasha. He’d pity his secret brother if he didn’t find him so despicable.
Ugh – even worse than thinking about his father at a time like this was thinking about his brother. He was only too happy to dismiss the idea from his mind as he unlocked the door to his apartment.
He was surprised to see the foyer light was off. “Kagome?” he called as he shoved the door open. With the weather gradually warming, it wasn’t quite as much of a chore to get in or out anymore. He pushed it back into place and threw the lock, spying a soft glow of light from the kitchen…like a candle?
As he hung up his coat, he noted a slow movement in the corner of his eye. He turned, wishing his eyes would adjust faster to the darkness, attempting to discern what was there.
“Oh, thank God, it’s you,” Kagome breathed, her voice quiet but shaking. With a small sob, she raced towards him, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face against his chest. “I was so scared – !”
“Wait, what?” he sputtered, internally reeling at her present, crumbling state.
“I’m – I’m just so glad you’re home,” she choked out, clinging to him with all her might, her tears soaking into his shirt.
His heart began to thump rapidly in his chest as he returned her embrace. Stay calm, he told himself, closing his eyes for a moment. She’ll tell you in her own time.
Not that such self-reassurances stopped his own internal alarms from going off. And panic was not a feeling he particularly enjoyed.
“What happened?” he tried again, striving to keep his tone an even mix of demand and solace.
She continued to cry, her shoulders shaking under the weight of her sobs, her hands curling possessively into his back.
Realizing that just standing there was giving him absolutely no answers, he began moving in the direction from whence she came, wondering what in the world could’ve made her so upset in the few short hours between dinner and now. A niggling of guilt pinged at the back of his mind, considering how much she’d cajoled him into going home with her after dinner.
She shuffled alongside as he maneuvered toward the kitchen, offering no resistance. He turned on the light, unsure of what he’d find – and, upon seeing nothing out of the ordinary, his panic slowly morphed into bewilderment.
“I don’t get it,” he said aloud, glancing down at the crying girl in his arms. He spotted a discarded tennis racquet at the corner of the kitchen and the hallway, and inclined his head further, narrowing an assessing stare at it.
“Someone – followed – me – home,” Kagome mumbled, her words breaking off between sobs. She took a deep breath. “He even tried coming into the apartment after I’d locked the door. Like, really tried to get in.” Another sob broke through. “I was so afraid, I couldn’t even turn on the lights. I couldn’t do anything.”
Sesshoumaru’s grip tightened around her as her explanation poured forth. She began to cry in earnest then, burrowing against him, searching out every soothing caress he could offer. He was not skilled in the art of comforting others; all he could do was hold her, and hope that it was enough.
He didn’t know how long they stood there, but gradually, he felt her beginning to truly calm down. He turned off the light in the kitchen and guided her into the common area, switching on a table lamp as they sank into the cushions of the sofa. He continued to hold her, though his grip had loosened considerably; she continued to cry, though her sobs were fewer and far between.
As they sat together, silently, in the mostly dark room, he began to realize that this incident had shaken him far more than he cared to admit, even to himself. He wasn’t one to rue over the past, but the “what if”s were creeping over him rapidly.
What if he had accompanied her home when she’d asked him to? Would this random, creepy guy have followed both of them, or did he choose her because she was a lone female walking around after dark?
What if he had come home earlier, like she was expecting? Would he have caught said creepy guy in the act, thereby finding out who he was?
What if she hadn’t had the presence of mind to lock the door in the first place? Would he have come home to a scene far worse than a crying, scared girlfriend?
And, maybe worst of all…what did this all mean?
If he said these baseless worries out loud, would that mean he was admitting that he was no longer standing on the brink, with half a chance in hell of protecting himself?
He dropped a kiss against her temple as her tears subsided. She tightened her grip on his waist in response, sniffling lightly as she leaned into him. Even in such a position, he could feel the rigid set of her shoulders, the strict tightness of the muscles across her back.
He quirked a small smile as he stroked her arms lightly. Sitting like this – so close, in his arms, and yet so far from his embrace – she reminded him of himself: unwilling to let go of the hurt and fear completely, unable to relax entirely.
“Are you okay?” he finally asked, sliding one hand under her shirt, rubbing smooth circles over the small of her back.
Her fingers curled into his side as she nodded against his chest.
Why don’t I believe you? he thought warily, his ministrations seeming to have no effect on the stiffness of her frame. He frowned, tracing the length of her spine with one finger, finding so many knots and kinks in the surrounding muscles.
So I’m not the only one holding back.
The thought was not as comforting as he might have expected.
“Come on,” he said after another long stretch of silence, bracing himself to stand. “I think I know what you need.”
“What?” Kagome whispered, puzzled. She allowed him to pull her upright and lead her down the hall, towards her bedroom. She glanced up at him quizzically as she unlocked the door, but he said nothing, merely walking into the room and heading straight for her dresser.
“Lay down,” he instructed, glancing with some amusement over the assortment of accessories that littered the top of the bureau. “On your stomach.”
She didn’t speak as she complied with his request, rustling softly among the sheets. He chose an innocuous hair band from her collection, pushing the heavy curtain of his hair over his shoulders and tying it back.
It had been a long time since he’d done this, but it was the only thing he could think of with the potential to truly relax her.
He advanced to where she lay, more or less centered on her bed, her head resting on her forearms. He climbed up beside her, settling at her left, and laid his hands on her back, thumbs to the center, fingertips splaying out over her ribcage. Carefully he repeated the action over the length of her back, stopping only to unclasp her bra.
He used the friction of her shirt to his advantage, pressing hard against her shoulder blades with the heels of his hands, holding the intensity there before dragging it down the twin planes of her back. She gasped as the pressure released in her lumbar area, only to have it begin again at her shoulders and drift down once again.
“Breathe, Kagome,” he said, running his thumbs alongside her spine. “Let me know if it hurts.”
“Mm-hm,” she mumbled in response.
He spied her face as he changed position, relieved to see her eyes closed. He brought his hands together on the right side of her back, rubbing long, gentle circles in place, inching slowly down towards her waist. As he moved down to the left side, he finally felt her relax, her muscles pliant under his ministrations. After two sets of these palm-generated circles, he turned his attention back to her spine, using his fingertips to massage tight circles over each vertebra, careful to keep his touch light, yet firm.
He followed these more rigorous movements with another sweep of softness, merely laying his hands together over her back, using long, soothing strokes. She sighed deeply as she began to unwind, relaxing her shoulders into his touch. He turned his attention there, again using the heels of his hands to great effect, pushing outwards from the center, all the while allowing his fingertips to brush over her sides lightly.
He adjusted positions one last time, angling over her almost directly, gently laying his hands over her back in a diagonal pattern and pulling them apart, the gentle touch of his fingers followed by the more intense pressure of his palms. He worked down the entire length of her back before going back to her shoulders and reversing the directions of his hands.
By the end, she was breathing lightly, evenly, her body sinking into her mattress, giving her every appearance of being completely boneless. Her expression was completely relaxed, free of any trace of worry or fear.
Carefully, he leaned down over her, pushing her hair aside and pressing a kiss to the nape of her neck.
“Where did you learn that?” she breathed, her voice so airy he almost missed the question.
“My mother,” he replied, slipping off the bed and into a crouch, so he could look her in the eye. “She used to give my father and me massages after our training in the dojo.”
She reached for his hand, smiling wistfully as she brought it to her face. “Remind me to thank her for giving you magic hands,” she sighed, her eyes fluttering closed as he caressed her cheek.
He studied at her for a long moment, his hand drifting through her hair. The massage had probably calmed him just as much as it had her.
He thought she was asleep, but when he tried to pull away, she stopped him. “Stay,” she pleaded.
He stilled, dropping his eyes to his knees. If he did this…if he stayed the night with her…that meant breaking all of his own rules.
“Please, Sesshoumaru,” she continued, opening her eyes, latching onto his golden gaze. “Just…hold me?”
She was so calm, so peaceful, so close to sleep – could he trust her to not tempt him if he agreed?
Because if she tried – he knew he would be unable to resist.
He stood, releasing his hair from the itchy holder, returning it to its home on her messy dresser. He steeled his spine, squeezing his eyes shut as he made it to the door, switching off her light –
– before going back and sliding into the bed next to her.
Genre: Drama/Romance
Rating: Y
Summary: A collection of oneshots & drabbles centered around the fleeting moments in Sesshoumaru's and Kagome's relationship as they fumble towards one another. AU; Serial.
un_love_you Prompt Table here. Prompt for this piece is: #23: “You remind me of me.”Title: Perception
Universe: Alternate (modern era)
Rating: Y (citrus)
Word Count: 3403
Pairing: Sesshoumaru/Kagome
Summary: Sesshoumaru’s perceptions – of himself, and of Kagome – shift following a traumatic event.
Author’s Note: #12 in a series. Part 1 | Parts 2-11
Many thanks to Ben Folds Five, who provided the inspiration lyric for this piece:
Disclaimer: The Inuyasha concept, story, and characters are copyright Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Media.
“Are you sure?” Kagome asked softly, curling her hands into Sesshoumaru’s hair.
He nodded slowly, enjoying the feel of her fingernails raking against his scalp. “I’m sorry.”
She sighed, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against his. “There’s nothing I can do to tempt you away from this place?” she asked mournfully.
He laughed. “Now, I didn’t say that,” he teased, allowing his fingers to trace the line of her jaw. “But you know I have to finish this, and there are far too many…distractions at home that preclude my concentration.”
He was granted the smile he desired, if only for a moment. “But it’s like you live here these days,” she said distastefully, glancing up at the three walls that surrounded them in the basement of the library. “I miss you.”
“It’s not forever,” he reminded her, gently running his thumbs over her cheekbones. “My thesis is due for formal review at the end of the month. It’s just a few weeks longer…”
A small wave of irritation rolled through him as she averted her eyes and bit her bottom lip. What more can I do? he groused internally. She knows this is important to me, and that just because things between us have changed…doesn’t mean this has, too.
At least, not in the way she imagined. Along with the final version of his paper, he was to turn in applications for post-grad internships. At the top of that list? A spot in her family’s company, one he still hadn’t told her about.
He furrowed his brow as she continued to worry her lower lip. “Is everything okay?” he asked, a hint of hesitation in his voice.
“Of course!” she replied, her tone a trifle too cheery as she raised her eyes to meet his. “I’m just sad you’re insisting on staying here, instead of coming home with me.”
“Dinner isn’t enough for you?” he joked. She had managed to tempt him away from his studies for that, a nice, long, relaxing meal at a nearby restaurant.
Her eyes hooded. “Not when you deny me dessert,” she replied coyly, drawing her lips to his, pressing a tiny kiss at the corner of his mouth. The move had exactly the effect she intended: he shifted slightly, kissing her fully, nipping lightly on the edge of her lip before pulling away.
“Rain check,” he breathed. “I just need a few more hours here, I promise. Then I’m all yours.”
She stood up, heaving an exaggerated sigh as she gathered her things from the corner of his small study carrel. “A few hours is better than a few weeks, I suppose,” she relented. She pressed a kiss to his cheek as he turned back to the desk. “I’ll be waiting.”
“I’ll be there,” he assured her, unable to resist a small smile as he watched her leave. It had taken some getting used to – being back in a relationship, especially with someone who was so openly affectionate – but in the small moments, like these, he was undeniably happy.
He shifted the notes on the desk, his hand inadvertently landing on the stack of applications he’d picked up earlier that day.
And it was small moments, like these, when he completely hated himself.
It had been two months – two long, glorious months since their relationship had shifted, from one of casual housemates to something much more. Admittedly, some aspects of it he was still getting used to. He’d never been a touchy-feeling sort of person, not even around his own family, and even now, Kagome sometimes surprised him, unexpectedly grabbing his hand – arm – waist – or his hair, which she had a particular fascination with. She seemed to relish the idea of loosening his inhibitions, both in public and in private. Even if it was he who initiated contact, things always ended the same way – him, pinned down (usually on the common room sofa) with her straddling him, firmly in control, pulling at his clothes and kissing him senseless. Not that he minded, especially given her penchant for wearing skirts, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep himself – and their making out – under control.
He prided himself on being self contained. He thought he could handle this, find a way to enjoy her affections, but to protect his heart at the same time, mindful of the inevitable conclusion...
But he was wrong.
She was too tempting, too adoring, too loyal. He was a breath away from falling in love, from giving in to her demands, from letting her completely into his heart.
I wish I could pretend that none of this was happening, he thought morosely as he eyed the applications. He hadn’t had sex in three years, and never with someone as passionate or free as Kagome…but he couldn’t. His honor and pride resurfaced, without fail, before things got out truly of hand. She was probably frustrated at the slow pace of their physical relationship, but he adamantly refused to do something that would, ultimately, hurt her.
He found no pleasure in that.
And so, he took small steps to keep such enticement at bay. He didn’t allow her to stay the night in his room – in his bed – and he gave her the same courtesy. He spent most of the day away from the apartment – in class or at the library – working diligently. They’d settled into something of a routine, having lunch together between classes, then dinner later that night, which usually segued into “quality time” at home. Even in the heat of the most intense moments – and last time, clothes had come off, and they’d somehow ended up on the floor – he knew her secret weak spots, patches of skin to kiss or caress that would bring her down and – if he did it right – leave her wanting more.
It was absolute, total agony to retreat to bed alone some nights, but he kept telling himself, it was for the best. He knew exactly what sort of position he as putting Kagome in, because the last time he’d dared give his heart away, it was handed back to him on a platter, complete with resounding laughter, by a gold-digging bitch only interested in his family’s wealth and power.
That memory, along with the guilt about keeping something so vitally important from her, held him quite firmly in check.
He shoved the thoughts from his mind, pushing the applications for spring internships aside and concentrating on his notes for his thesis. He was revising the second-to-last chapter, to be handed in the next day, before taking the plunge and attempting to polish the whole thing off. His advisor’s criticisms had lessened of late, and he wanted to ride that good momentum until the end. Finishing this paper would take a load off his mind, and maybe then he could figure out a way have his cake and eat it, too.
Sesshoumaru shrugged into his coat, belting it firmly before grabbing his bag. It was much later than he anticipated, and though he would have gladly spent the rest of the evening picking over his word choice for this chapter of his thesis, he was cognizant of the fact that he’d also promised to spend some time with Kagome that evening.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m over-thinking this, he mused as he stepped out in the chilly early spring air, his keys dangling from his hand as he moved through the parking lot towards his car. If I was any other guy, this probably wouldn’t be an issue for them. Hell, if I was my father, this certainly wouldn’t be an issue for him – he’d take his pleasure and run…
He frowned as he slipped into the driver’s seat, adjusting the review mirror. His father was certainly the last person he wanted to think about right now, considering the man was the source of all his trouble. He’d somehow found out about their relationship – from Inuyasha, he suspected, that conniving bastard – and was under the impression that he, Sesshoumaru, was finally falling into lockstep with the old man’s devious ways. When he got wind that he, Sesshoumaru, was applying for the internship at SHK, Kagome’s family’s business – as he undoubtedly would – his father would obviously expect that it was a move to become an operative on the inside.
The irony was bitter to the taste: Sesshoumaru wanted the job not for his father’s sake, but for his own – he was planning to use the position as leverage in the hostile takeover of his own inheritance. Ever since discovering his bastard child alive and well in Europe, his father had become devoted to bringing the boy into the family business – and that included positioning him quite powerfully within the company that was destined to be Sesshoumaru’s.
In a show of his derision for his legitimate son and heir – or maybe just for his own amusement – his father had also tasked Inuyasha to become closer to Kagome, who sat on the board of directors, in an attempt to secure a back door into the company, another way to take it over. So far, it seemed, Inuyasha was acting completely under his father’s orders, for reasons that were incomprehensible to Sesshoumaru. Had the boy no mind of his own? Was he that interested in his father’s approval?
It’s a lost cause, Sesshoumaru thought on the silent drive home. If I can’t win Father’s affection after nearly twenty years, you don’t have a chance in hell, Inuyasha. He’d pity his secret brother if he didn’t find him so despicable.
Ugh – even worse than thinking about his father at a time like this was thinking about his brother. He was only too happy to dismiss the idea from his mind as he unlocked the door to his apartment.
He was surprised to see the foyer light was off. “Kagome?” he called as he shoved the door open. With the weather gradually warming, it wasn’t quite as much of a chore to get in or out anymore. He pushed it back into place and threw the lock, spying a soft glow of light from the kitchen…like a candle?
As he hung up his coat, he noted a slow movement in the corner of his eye. He turned, wishing his eyes would adjust faster to the darkness, attempting to discern what was there.
“Oh, thank God, it’s you,” Kagome breathed, her voice quiet but shaking. With a small sob, she raced towards him, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face against his chest. “I was so scared – !”
“Wait, what?” he sputtered, internally reeling at her present, crumbling state.
“I’m – I’m just so glad you’re home,” she choked out, clinging to him with all her might, her tears soaking into his shirt.
His heart began to thump rapidly in his chest as he returned her embrace. Stay calm, he told himself, closing his eyes for a moment. She’ll tell you in her own time.
Not that such self-reassurances stopped his own internal alarms from going off. And panic was not a feeling he particularly enjoyed.
“What happened?” he tried again, striving to keep his tone an even mix of demand and solace.
She continued to cry, her shoulders shaking under the weight of her sobs, her hands curling possessively into his back.
Realizing that just standing there was giving him absolutely no answers, he began moving in the direction from whence she came, wondering what in the world could’ve made her so upset in the few short hours between dinner and now. A niggling of guilt pinged at the back of his mind, considering how much she’d cajoled him into going home with her after dinner.
She shuffled alongside as he maneuvered toward the kitchen, offering no resistance. He turned on the light, unsure of what he’d find – and, upon seeing nothing out of the ordinary, his panic slowly morphed into bewilderment.
“I don’t get it,” he said aloud, glancing down at the crying girl in his arms. He spotted a discarded tennis racquet at the corner of the kitchen and the hallway, and inclined his head further, narrowing an assessing stare at it.
“Someone – followed – me – home,” Kagome mumbled, her words breaking off between sobs. She took a deep breath. “He even tried coming into the apartment after I’d locked the door. Like, really tried to get in.” Another sob broke through. “I was so afraid, I couldn’t even turn on the lights. I couldn’t do anything.”
Sesshoumaru’s grip tightened around her as her explanation poured forth. She began to cry in earnest then, burrowing against him, searching out every soothing caress he could offer. He was not skilled in the art of comforting others; all he could do was hold her, and hope that it was enough.
He didn’t know how long they stood there, but gradually, he felt her beginning to truly calm down. He turned off the light in the kitchen and guided her into the common area, switching on a table lamp as they sank into the cushions of the sofa. He continued to hold her, though his grip had loosened considerably; she continued to cry, though her sobs were fewer and far between.
As they sat together, silently, in the mostly dark room, he began to realize that this incident had shaken him far more than he cared to admit, even to himself. He wasn’t one to rue over the past, but the “what if”s were creeping over him rapidly.
What if he had accompanied her home when she’d asked him to? Would this random, creepy guy have followed both of them, or did he choose her because she was a lone female walking around after dark?
What if he had come home earlier, like she was expecting? Would he have caught said creepy guy in the act, thereby finding out who he was?
What if she hadn’t had the presence of mind to lock the door in the first place? Would he have come home to a scene far worse than a crying, scared girlfriend?
And, maybe worst of all…what did this all mean?
If he said these baseless worries out loud, would that mean he was admitting that he was no longer standing on the brink, with half a chance in hell of protecting himself?
He dropped a kiss against her temple as her tears subsided. She tightened her grip on his waist in response, sniffling lightly as she leaned into him. Even in such a position, he could feel the rigid set of her shoulders, the strict tightness of the muscles across her back.
He quirked a small smile as he stroked her arms lightly. Sitting like this – so close, in his arms, and yet so far from his embrace – she reminded him of himself: unwilling to let go of the hurt and fear completely, unable to relax entirely.
“Are you okay?” he finally asked, sliding one hand under her shirt, rubbing smooth circles over the small of her back.
Her fingers curled into his side as she nodded against his chest.
Why don’t I believe you? he thought warily, his ministrations seeming to have no effect on the stiffness of her frame. He frowned, tracing the length of her spine with one finger, finding so many knots and kinks in the surrounding muscles.
So I’m not the only one holding back.
The thought was not as comforting as he might have expected.
“Come on,” he said after another long stretch of silence, bracing himself to stand. “I think I know what you need.”
“What?” Kagome whispered, puzzled. She allowed him to pull her upright and lead her down the hall, towards her bedroom. She glanced up at him quizzically as she unlocked the door, but he said nothing, merely walking into the room and heading straight for her dresser.
“Lay down,” he instructed, glancing with some amusement over the assortment of accessories that littered the top of the bureau. “On your stomach.”
She didn’t speak as she complied with his request, rustling softly among the sheets. He chose an innocuous hair band from her collection, pushing the heavy curtain of his hair over his shoulders and tying it back.
It had been a long time since he’d done this, but it was the only thing he could think of with the potential to truly relax her.
He advanced to where she lay, more or less centered on her bed, her head resting on her forearms. He climbed up beside her, settling at her left, and laid his hands on her back, thumbs to the center, fingertips splaying out over her ribcage. Carefully he repeated the action over the length of her back, stopping only to unclasp her bra.
He used the friction of her shirt to his advantage, pressing hard against her shoulder blades with the heels of his hands, holding the intensity there before dragging it down the twin planes of her back. She gasped as the pressure released in her lumbar area, only to have it begin again at her shoulders and drift down once again.
“Breathe, Kagome,” he said, running his thumbs alongside her spine. “Let me know if it hurts.”
“Mm-hm,” she mumbled in response.
He spied her face as he changed position, relieved to see her eyes closed. He brought his hands together on the right side of her back, rubbing long, gentle circles in place, inching slowly down towards her waist. As he moved down to the left side, he finally felt her relax, her muscles pliant under his ministrations. After two sets of these palm-generated circles, he turned his attention back to her spine, using his fingertips to massage tight circles over each vertebra, careful to keep his touch light, yet firm.
He followed these more rigorous movements with another sweep of softness, merely laying his hands together over her back, using long, soothing strokes. She sighed deeply as she began to unwind, relaxing her shoulders into his touch. He turned his attention there, again using the heels of his hands to great effect, pushing outwards from the center, all the while allowing his fingertips to brush over her sides lightly.
He adjusted positions one last time, angling over her almost directly, gently laying his hands over her back in a diagonal pattern and pulling them apart, the gentle touch of his fingers followed by the more intense pressure of his palms. He worked down the entire length of her back before going back to her shoulders and reversing the directions of his hands.
By the end, she was breathing lightly, evenly, her body sinking into her mattress, giving her every appearance of being completely boneless. Her expression was completely relaxed, free of any trace of worry or fear.
Carefully, he leaned down over her, pushing her hair aside and pressing a kiss to the nape of her neck.
“Where did you learn that?” she breathed, her voice so airy he almost missed the question.
“My mother,” he replied, slipping off the bed and into a crouch, so he could look her in the eye. “She used to give my father and me massages after our training in the dojo.”
She reached for his hand, smiling wistfully as she brought it to her face. “Remind me to thank her for giving you magic hands,” she sighed, her eyes fluttering closed as he caressed her cheek.
He studied at her for a long moment, his hand drifting through her hair. The massage had probably calmed him just as much as it had her.
He thought she was asleep, but when he tried to pull away, she stopped him. “Stay,” she pleaded.
He stilled, dropping his eyes to his knees. If he did this…if he stayed the night with her…that meant breaking all of his own rules.
“Please, Sesshoumaru,” she continued, opening her eyes, latching onto his golden gaze. “Just…hold me?”
She was so calm, so peaceful, so close to sleep – could he trust her to not tempt him if he agreed?
Because if she tried – he knew he would be unable to resist.
He stood, releasing his hair from the itchy holder, returning it to its home on her messy dresser. He steeled his spine, squeezing his eyes shut as he made it to the door, switching off her light –
– before going back and sliding into the bed next to her.
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I need my man to get magic-hands. His are kinda useless.
Poor Kagome :( Scared out of her wits, and Sess is much more concerned than he really though he would be...
Very interesting, and I'm wondering what InuYasha could be up to, too...
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Sorry not Inuyasha this time ;) but I promise, he'll get his moment in the sun, LOL.
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All those what-if's can be quite revealing. At least Sesshoumaru has a good grasp on what he's feeling, even if he is hesitant to admit it. Poor Kagome! I wonder who could have followed her...
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I believe the line forms behind me, LOL. Eugh, between this and my contest entry I've been watching far too many shiatsu massage videos lately. I'm ready for one or two, myself.
All those what-if's can be quite revealing. At least Sesshoumaru has a good grasp on what he's feeling, even if he is hesitant to admit it. Poor Kagome! I wonder who could have followed her...
Yeah, I get the feeling that he's very perceptive, even if he's not necessarily vocal about it. I think people underestimate that about him.
Being followed is creeptastic, even if its innocuous *shudder* I don't have any current plan to follow that up, but sometimes the muses surprise me...
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In this instant, it really made me think of his father. You always get the feeling that he is testing Sesshomaru to see if he's "good enough". Since he doesn't really let anyone get a read on him, it's easy to see how you may would consider him less than. A lot of times, quiet is mistaken for weak.
Interesting twist with Kagome being followed and Sess offering comfort. He had to break his own rule! I can imagine the wheels turning in his head, wondering what the consequences will be behind that moment of indiscretion.
Great work as always and nice use of the prompt!
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This. Or it's mistaken for coldness, or aloofness, or ignorance. It's been an interesting process, though, trying to dig behind the layers of his character. I was attempting to show that he's quite near the surface here, reaching out for Kagome even though he knows he'll only end up hurting her - and maybe even *gasp* regretting not telling her everything upfront.
Interesting twist with Kagome being followed and Sess offering comfort. He had to break his own rule! I can imagine the wheels turning in his head, wondering what the consequences will be behind that moment of indiscretion.
Hehe, yes, rules were made to be broken, weren't they? :D Just goes to show how he is loosening up from his strict, uptight facade from the first (well, second) chapter in the series. He resists it, but change is inevitable - especially when it's as beautiful as the girl he seeks :)
He is always mindful of his actions, though, as well as the actions of those around him. I think a lot will be explained by the next chapter or two.
Great work as always and nice use of the prompt!
Many thanks! :) This entry was quite long, and it finally put to rest a few of the muses that have been eating my brain for the last week or so.
I feel like this is one of my stronger entries, centering on the prompt, and I like how it turned out in the end. Again, the advance in the story is microsized, but the potential ramifications are enormous.
I'm looking forward to writing more on this. I have 3 more prompts planned out, and who knows if more 'insert' pieces will be along the way? This is a lot of fun :)
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And I take it that his response (and thus, yours) is a compliment?
I hope you are enjoying the story, even if its just this entry's worth of detail ;)
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and on the corny joke, it's just his sense of humor. His response was rather amusing. "Well, can't you read the next one?" "It's not written yet." "oh..." Poor guy. Left hanging and he doesn't even read the stuff.
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I find it rather unnerving that you've told him about reading fanfic, but as long as he doesn't think you're crazy (and, by extension, that *I* am), then that's cool. Hey, I'll take it as a huge compliment, even!
Left hanging and he doesn't even read the stuff.
LOL...it's coming. I promise, I always finish what I start!
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I'm still having to remember that fanfic, in essence, is like one of those "choose your own ending" books. I'm assuming that in this strand of thought the high school thing with Kagome and Inuyasha didn't happen? and the much much later thing I stumbled upon with them married definitely didn't happen?
Forgive me for my ignorance...I'm still new at reading this stuff. I think I'll leave the writing to you. :) (Esp. since I STILL haven't seen/read anything from the original stuff)
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Seriously, I'm honored. Even if its just because you're my friend IRL and want to read my writing for that reason...I'm honored you'd choose to keep up with something like this :)
I'm assuming that in this strand of thought the high school thing with Kagome and Inuyasha didn't happen? and the much much later thing I stumbled upon with them married definitely didn't happen?
No, Memento Mori (the high school prom thing) was definitely an AU, whereas Allegiance (Kagome + Inuyasha married / Inuyasha dies / Kagome seeks out Sesshoumaru's protection) is more of a canon continuation sort of thing. By the end of the manga, Kagome & Inuyasha were, indeed, married and living in the feudal era.
Forgive me for my ignorance...I'm still new at reading this stuff. I think I'll leave the writing to you. :) (Esp. since I STILL haven't seen/read anything from the original stuff)
No problem! :) Here's your canon materials, should you be interested:
The manga (be warned - it's 558 chapters long)
The anime (doesn't follow the manga exactly, but is entertaining in its own right; leaves off at approx Ch 356/357 of the manga)
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All in all, I really like how this chapter turned out :)