Beguile

[luxken27]

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Pairing: Sesshoumaru/Kagura
Rating: T
Inspiration: “Disarm” © 1993 Billy Corgan (Smashing Pumpkins)
Based upon: inuyashaquotes July 2009, Week 3


Well, it was inevitable that this would come out - after all, one can't watch the latest episode of the new anime and not contemplate the Sess/Kagura ship :P Plus, my last entry tickled the angst muses, and suddenly I had to understand why and how that expression came to grace such a lovely face :)

I've also been listening very heavily to the inspiration song; it popped into my head earlier this afternoon, even before I went in search of screencaps from the latest episode; I guess you could say I was in a very melancholy mood...

Then I decided to look up the lyrics to this song, and I was gone :P That, along with said screenshot, conspired for the makings of a little piece of angst. The scenario was built on the back of the lyrics to the song:

Disarm you with a smile / And cut you like you want me to
Cut that little child / Inside of me and such a part of you
Oh, the years burn

I used to be a little boy / So old in my shoes
What I choose is my choice / What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you / My love
I send this smile over to you

Disarm you with a smile / And leave you like they left me here
To wither in denial / The bitterness of one who's left alone
Oh, the years burn

I used to be a little boy / So old in my shoes
What I choose is my voice / What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you / My love
I send this smile over to you
The set-up, of having Kagome present and nosy, is actually me repurposing one of the sentences from my 1sentence writing exercise. You can decide for yourself if its a romantic or platonic relationship between those two; suffice to say, the background is merely that they are companions in a modern-day setting, both having survived the time gap to meet each other.

What I wanted to do, however, was not necessarily explore his relationship with Kagome, but the way he related to Kagura. Now, I freely admit I don't fully understand this ship; there are some things I can't quite wrap my brain around, some suspension of belief I can't quite muster in order to get fully on board here. But, thanks to several thoughtful commentators on my last anime discussion post, I've managed to pull together some thoughts.

I've always seen Sess/Kagura as one-sided (on her side), mostly because I don't think Sesshoumaru was quite at the stage of emotional development he needed to be in order to truly love someone other than himself. However, his actions speak louder than any words - he did fight to ensure Kagura's death wasn't in vain, breaking his long-held companion sword Tokijin in said fight. I think her death was an unpleasant way for his character to grow, opening the doors for his acceptance of fate during the Hell arc - and, of course, in breaking his tie to Tokijin, he was able to gain Bakusaiga in its stead. In my mind, that translates to him realizing far too late that he did have feelings for her; perhaps not the desire to rescue her, but something. So, I tried to find their similarities among their differences, and one that's always struck me is how they are both running from their pasts, reaching out towards futures that are just beyond their reach. Kagura wants to be free; she's the most rebellious of Naraku's minions and begins to oppose him almost from the moment she's created. Sesshoumaru feels the pressure of his lineage, being the son of a great general and yet, no the immediately obvious heir to his power. That digs at him, not only because he thinks he deserves it outright, but because he knows quite acutely what it means to live up to his father's status. Even before the Hell arc, I think he could appreciate that being supreme ruler is not a title that will be born lightly.

I originally meant to 'twist' the lyrics, as if they came wholly from Sesshoumaru's point of view (and, indeed, that's how I used them in this piece), but reading back over them...the second verse strikes me as very Kagura-ish - she's the one who left him, with a smile, and now [in this world, at least] he's the one who has to deal with those consequences. And since I like to imbue my Sesshoumaru with some abandonment issues anyway, I think he'd know quite well "the bitterness of one who's left alone."

I suppose that just goes to show ~ muses work in mysterious ways :)