Fragments | 9: A Loss of Innocence

[luxken27]

Read it at: LJ | MM.org | FF.net | dA

Pairing: Miroku/Sango
Rating: Y (Gruesome imagery)
Inspiration: “Sometime Around Midnight” © 2008 Mikel Jollett [The Airborne Toxic Event]

I'd like to dedicate this chapter to psyco_chick32 ~ you always give me something to think about, but contemplating my place in fandom brought on a deluge, LOL. I'm just glad I was able to channel it into something productive, for a change. :P

I'm not sure what there is to say about this chapter, other than I needed to put myself in the right mood to write it :P I've been playing around with this scenario pretty much since posting the last installment, but it was a matter of getting the right tone in order to layer in all the elements. That finally came, thanks to psyco_chick32's mega-meta Thoughts on Fandom post, as it brought up a lot of conflicting feelings. My Sango mused pounced, and voila: the fruits of my labor.

In this chapter, Sango finally has the chance to confront her brother's fate, the one thing that's plagued her for most of the story. I wanted to portray her as still being in a state of shock, not only over the fact that she knows Kohaku is dead, but also because she slept with Miroku without really intending to, and now she's all confused about that, on top of everything else. It was important, to me, to address the Kohaku!angst, and I can only hope I didn't go too overboard. Her reaction is not one of "oh woe is me, my brother is dead and I'll never recover" ~ instead, she feels a sense of paradoxical relief, because finally, the torment is over. That's not to say she's over his death, either - far from it. But she's over some of the accompanying feelings of guilt and remorse, like some tiny piece of her wanted to believe the worst about her brother, and that can finally be laid to rest. She can see for herself what happened to him, that he didn't want to leave her.

Hopefully it doesn't read weird or out-of-the-blue; its just that sometimes our minds play tricks on us, and sometimes our bodies respond to that. She still has quite a ways to go before she completes the mourning necessary to move past this, but she's made an excellent start.

In keeping with this theme of writing cliche-ridden stories only to bust through them, it shouldn't come as *too* much of a surprise that she also leaves Karanousuke in this chapter. Again, I wasn't trying to make him seem cold or mean-spirited, only very self-absorbed and purpose-driven. He feels sympathy for her plight, but believes the best remedy is to take her mind off her troubles. LOL, now he learns just how dearly he's going to pay for that notion, as she leaves him stranded at the morgue.

But, this is not to say she's running off to find happiness with Miroku - let's not forget, he has some problems of his own to work through, as a can of worms was opened for him in the last chapter. He's slowly shifting into focus in this fic, and the next installment will be about him and his place in this world (or at least, how he perceives his place in this world). This story feels about halfway finished, and I know the general direction we're headed, but the muses always have a surprise or two up their sleeve, I'm realizing :P

Writing this chapter was incredibly cathartic for me, almost on par with writing the first section of "Covenant" for Fleeting. Its time to put myself first again with my writing, instead of worrying about reader reactions or awards placements or an update schedule. I think this is the strongest bit of fic I've written in a good long while, and I miss that feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment. I hope I can build on this and continue on in the same vein, because unfortunately, fandom burnout seems to lurk around every corner.