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Desperation (Prompt #15) | Inuyasha
Collection Title: Fleeting
Genre: Drama/Romance
Rating: Y
Summary: A collection of oneshots & drabbles centered around the fleeting moments in Sesshoumaru's and Kagome's relationship as they fumble towards one another. AU; Serial.
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un_love_you Prompt Table here. Prompt for this piece is: #15: “This is my desperation in action.”
Title: Desperation
Universe: Alternate (modern era)
Rating: T (language, innuendo)
Word Count: 1960
Pairing: Sesshoumaru/Kagome
Summary: Kagome resorts to desperate measures to find out the truth behind Inuyasha’s accusations against Sesshoumaru.
Author’s Note: #14 in a series. Part 1 | Parts 2-13
Pity the poor italics tag...it certainly got a workout this time (and on a Kagome entry, no less :P)!
Disclaimer: The Inuyasha concept, story, and characters are copyright Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Media.
~*~
Kagome paced the length of the common room in her apartment, absently putting one foot in front of the other as she chewed on the nail of her thumb. Her heart fluttered in her chest as her stomach knotted over on itself.
Please don’t let it be true…
This was agony, absolute agony, waiting and wondering, doubting and fearing. She cast a glance down the foyer as she passed it, half-hoping, half-dreading that the door would open, knowing all the while she wouldn’t be ready for it.
That last conversation looped endlessly in her mind:
“Could it be, because he’s using you as a means to an end?” Inuyasha sneered. “That he doesn’t want you, so much as the power you wield?”
Her eyes flashed as she met his gaze once again. “Prove it.”
He startled at the ferocity of her reaction. He gazed at her thoughtfully before answering. “I can’t,” he said simply. “But I can tell you where to find it.”
She narrowed an assessing glare at him. “How do you know about any of this, anyway?”
He shrugged, dropping his eyes to his plate. “I work for his family on the side, and there have been rumblings. Apparently his father is preparing to make a move on your family’s company, and this is, like, some sort of test, for Sesshoumaru to prove himself as a worthy successor.” He looked up at her imploringly. “I only want to protect you, Kagome – and if there’s any way I can stop him from hurting you, I will, proof positive or not.”
Kagome crossed her arms over her chest as she continued wearing a path into the carpet. She hadn’t walked away satisfied by that conversation, but she also couldn’t put it out of her mind. She had been steadily growing frustrated with the stunted growth of her relationship with Sesshoumaru, and those doubts were only fueled by the fire of Inuyasha’s suspicions.
She had to know, once and for all – why were they together? Why didn’t he want her as much as she wanted him? Was he really just using her?
Had she misjudged him so thoroughly?
True, he was unlike anyone she’d ever been with, but she knew that from the start. He was quiet, assessing, aloof, searching for a roommate who understood the fine art of being considerate. She had been struck by his unusual appearance at first, the longer-than-fashionable silver hair and mysterious golden eyes, but the more time she spent around him, the more intrigued she became by his character. He seemed content to merely observe her life instead of being sucked into the social whirlwind, and she saw that as a challenge.
It had all changed last Halloween, when she finally managed to get him to go out with her – even if it was only as friends. Somehow, she’d made a complete fool of herself – enough that he had to swoop in and rescue her, enough to make herself a pariah among her social set. Sesshoumaru was there for her during that time, in his own unique way, even defending her honor to Koga. Unfortunately, it was for reasons other than chivalry, and the nasty argument that followed had driven her away to mourn her crush and lick her wounds over the Christmas holiday.
But something changed then…being away from him only strengthened her desire for him, and she found new resolve, realizing that if she wanted him, it would be she who would have to be the pursuer. It wasn’t a position she was comfortable with, or even used to, frankly – she had always been the prey, never the predator; she had always been in control of the situation, never at its mercy.
And it had been worth it – at first. All that heartache, awkwardness, and internal struggle had been rewarded with a searing New Year’s Eve kiss, and that had somehow evolved into an intense relationship. Two glorious months had since passed, a few of the happiest in her recent memory, but the gild was beginning to wear off.
She’d known he was the independent type, always holding his cards close to his chest and contemplating multiple strategies before making a move. It was one of the challenges in getting to know him, figuring out how to lower the barriers he held so high around himself. She’d always thought that it was a sign that he’d been hurt in the past, maybe had his heart handed to him on a platter by another woman, but now…
…she wasn’t so sure.
He adamantly refused to sleep with her, and that bothered her to no end.
She shook her head, tightening the brace of her arms, a wry smile rising to her lips. It sounded petty, even in her own mind; after all, she was perfectly aware there was more to a healthy, adult relationship than just sex. But, by the same token, it had never taken this long into a relationship to even approach that all-important step before. If the act of lovemaking was, as she contended, the ultimate display of attraction and affection – how one showed another how much they really liked them, so to speak – then what, exactly, was she doing wrong? She’d tried every trick in the book, but he was always able to stop, to pull away, to regain control of the situation.
Perhaps making matters worse, he was always so damn stoic and silent, never telling her how or why he pulled out of her reach.
Was this the reason why – because, in reality, he was using her?
No, she thought, squeezing her eyes shut. I just can’t reconcile such a thing to him. He’s too damn honorable. The memory of the aftermath of the Halloween party flashed behind her eyes; she had sloppily attempted to seduce him then and there, but he refused to take advantage of her inebriated state. And even last night, he had the perfect chance to take advantage of her vulnerability following the creepy stalker incident, but he didn’t. Instead, he held her through the night, silent reassurance that she wasn’t alone…even if she woke up that way.
Surely such actions meant he wasn’t capable of being so callous and cruel as to use her to gain a job…?
The sound of a slam startled her. She glanced up, eyeing the main foyer, only coming to realize a few moments later that it wasn’t her front door. She bowed her head again and resumed her restless walk. He should be coming home any minute now…am I really ready for this?
She wasn’t a confrontational person by nature, but this was absolutely eating away at her. When Inuyasha was unable to offer concrete evidence to back up his accusations, she was spurred into action herself, cutting her last class and hopping the train across town. Once at the main headquarters of her family’s business, she began to rifle through the files she had ready access to – which included all applications for internships. She even checked the secure email correspondences between board members, but alas – it was all for naught. There wasn’t the first mention of any of this season’s candidates yet; she supposed that made sense, considering invitations had only been mailed out a few weeks before.
But still, she couldn’t shake Inuyasha’s suspicions. What reason would he have to lie to me? she wondered as she took the train home, feeling frustrated and defeated all at the same time. After all, he’s never been anything less than totally open with me, whereas Sesshoumaru…
It sickened her to even think so badly of him, but ever since they had gotten together, she’d had this feeling, like he was keeping something from her. She’d done the best she could, making herself available for him in every way she knew how, but still, he held back, unable – or perhaps unwilling – to share.
This would certainly be a good reason why, if it was true.
And so, here she stood, waiting in agony for him to arrive home, so she could find out once and for all just what the hell was going on.
Please, God, don’t let it be true…
She came to a shuddering halt as her phone buzzed against the table, indicating she had received a text. She snatched it up, flipping it open, her heart plummeting as she read the message:
“So sorry, but my meeting with the thesis advisor is running late. Don’t wait for me re: dinner. Don’t know when I’ll be home.”
At that moment, something inside of her snapped.
She hurled the phone across the room, heaving a deep breath, desperation clawing through her chest. He couldn’t even bother to call? she thought bitterly, tears heating behind her eyes.
“And yet again, he denies me,” she said aloud, covering her face with her hands.
Really, it was becoming par for the course. She couldn’t share his body, she couldn’t share his space, she couldn’t share his life. He shut her out of all these things without explanation.
Didn’t he trust her?
Or was there some reason for her not to trust him?
It was too much. She couldn’t – she wouldn’t – stand for this any longer.
She shoved out of the common room, pressing down the hallway towards her own, when she stopped short, eyeing his bedroom door. Desperate times call for desperate measures, she thought, her heart beating wildly in her chest as she contemplated the consequences of her actions. Slowly, she continued down the hall, her palms sweaty as she reached for the knob of his door.
Locked.
Of course.
She should have expected nothing less.
She went back to her own room, rummaged through her things, and returned to his door, determined to find some way in. She laid her tools on the ground in front of her and set to work, biting her lips so hard she almost drew blood in an attempt to keep herself calm.
Nail file.
She knew she was violating his privacy by breaking into his room.
Hair pin.
She also knew that, no matter what she found (if anything), by merely doing this, she was probably ruining their relationship.
Credit card.
What’s left of it, at least, she thought bitterly.
Lockpick kit from her brother.
Finally, after much resistance, the lock gave way, and she slowly eased open the door, taking in the sight before her. She’d never even glimpsed into the room before, such was the extent of his bid for privacy. Somehow, it was so…him: neat as a pin, organized to the hilt, clean and ordered and perfect.
She narrowed her focus to his desk, approaching it stealthily, even though she was the only one home. Taking another deep breath, she lowered herself into the chair, opening one of the drawers and beginning her methodical search.
Time slipped by unmarked as she nosed through his things, going through all six drawers of the old oak desk. Just as she was about to give up all hope –
“What’s this?” she murmured, pushing aside a cadre of papers next to his computer, reaching for a half-hidden pile of neatly completed pages.
Her chest seized as she realized she held a stack of internship applications, all filled out in his handwriting, all for post-grad positions. Her hands began to shake as she rifled through them, all of the doubt and suspicion and misgivings of the last weeks culminating behind her eyes.
No…
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” came a cold, hard voice, shattering her concentration —
– her mind –
– her heart.
Her fingers curled around five damning pages as she slowly turned in her seat, her dark, heated gaze meeting his.
“I could ask you the same thing,” she replied angrily.
Genre: Drama/Romance
Rating: Y
Summary: A collection of oneshots & drabbles centered around the fleeting moments in Sesshoumaru's and Kagome's relationship as they fumble towards one another. AU; Serial.
un_love_you Prompt Table here. Prompt for this piece is: #15: “This is my desperation in action.”Title: Desperation
Universe: Alternate (modern era)
Rating: T (language, innuendo)
Word Count: 1960
Pairing: Sesshoumaru/Kagome
Summary: Kagome resorts to desperate measures to find out the truth behind Inuyasha’s accusations against Sesshoumaru.
Author’s Note: #14 in a series. Part 1 | Parts 2-13
Pity the poor italics tag...it certainly got a workout this time (and on a Kagome entry, no less :P)!
Disclaimer: The Inuyasha concept, story, and characters are copyright Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Media.
Kagome paced the length of the common room in her apartment, absently putting one foot in front of the other as she chewed on the nail of her thumb. Her heart fluttered in her chest as her stomach knotted over on itself.
Please don’t let it be true…
This was agony, absolute agony, waiting and wondering, doubting and fearing. She cast a glance down the foyer as she passed it, half-hoping, half-dreading that the door would open, knowing all the while she wouldn’t be ready for it.
That last conversation looped endlessly in her mind:
“Could it be, because he’s using you as a means to an end?” Inuyasha sneered. “That he doesn’t want you, so much as the power you wield?”
Her eyes flashed as she met his gaze once again. “Prove it.”
He startled at the ferocity of her reaction. He gazed at her thoughtfully before answering. “I can’t,” he said simply. “But I can tell you where to find it.”
She narrowed an assessing glare at him. “How do you know about any of this, anyway?”
He shrugged, dropping his eyes to his plate. “I work for his family on the side, and there have been rumblings. Apparently his father is preparing to make a move on your family’s company, and this is, like, some sort of test, for Sesshoumaru to prove himself as a worthy successor.” He looked up at her imploringly. “I only want to protect you, Kagome – and if there’s any way I can stop him from hurting you, I will, proof positive or not.”
Kagome crossed her arms over her chest as she continued wearing a path into the carpet. She hadn’t walked away satisfied by that conversation, but she also couldn’t put it out of her mind. She had been steadily growing frustrated with the stunted growth of her relationship with Sesshoumaru, and those doubts were only fueled by the fire of Inuyasha’s suspicions.
She had to know, once and for all – why were they together? Why didn’t he want her as much as she wanted him? Was he really just using her?
Had she misjudged him so thoroughly?
True, he was unlike anyone she’d ever been with, but she knew that from the start. He was quiet, assessing, aloof, searching for a roommate who understood the fine art of being considerate. She had been struck by his unusual appearance at first, the longer-than-fashionable silver hair and mysterious golden eyes, but the more time she spent around him, the more intrigued she became by his character. He seemed content to merely observe her life instead of being sucked into the social whirlwind, and she saw that as a challenge.
It had all changed last Halloween, when she finally managed to get him to go out with her – even if it was only as friends. Somehow, she’d made a complete fool of herself – enough that he had to swoop in and rescue her, enough to make herself a pariah among her social set. Sesshoumaru was there for her during that time, in his own unique way, even defending her honor to Koga. Unfortunately, it was for reasons other than chivalry, and the nasty argument that followed had driven her away to mourn her crush and lick her wounds over the Christmas holiday.
But something changed then…being away from him only strengthened her desire for him, and she found new resolve, realizing that if she wanted him, it would be she who would have to be the pursuer. It wasn’t a position she was comfortable with, or even used to, frankly – she had always been the prey, never the predator; she had always been in control of the situation, never at its mercy.
And it had been worth it – at first. All that heartache, awkwardness, and internal struggle had been rewarded with a searing New Year’s Eve kiss, and that had somehow evolved into an intense relationship. Two glorious months had since passed, a few of the happiest in her recent memory, but the gild was beginning to wear off.
She’d known he was the independent type, always holding his cards close to his chest and contemplating multiple strategies before making a move. It was one of the challenges in getting to know him, figuring out how to lower the barriers he held so high around himself. She’d always thought that it was a sign that he’d been hurt in the past, maybe had his heart handed to him on a platter by another woman, but now…
…she wasn’t so sure.
He adamantly refused to sleep with her, and that bothered her to no end.
She shook her head, tightening the brace of her arms, a wry smile rising to her lips. It sounded petty, even in her own mind; after all, she was perfectly aware there was more to a healthy, adult relationship than just sex. But, by the same token, it had never taken this long into a relationship to even approach that all-important step before. If the act of lovemaking was, as she contended, the ultimate display of attraction and affection – how one showed another how much they really liked them, so to speak – then what, exactly, was she doing wrong? She’d tried every trick in the book, but he was always able to stop, to pull away, to regain control of the situation.
Perhaps making matters worse, he was always so damn stoic and silent, never telling her how or why he pulled out of her reach.
Was this the reason why – because, in reality, he was using her?
No, she thought, squeezing her eyes shut. I just can’t reconcile such a thing to him. He’s too damn honorable. The memory of the aftermath of the Halloween party flashed behind her eyes; she had sloppily attempted to seduce him then and there, but he refused to take advantage of her inebriated state. And even last night, he had the perfect chance to take advantage of her vulnerability following the creepy stalker incident, but he didn’t. Instead, he held her through the night, silent reassurance that she wasn’t alone…even if she woke up that way.
Surely such actions meant he wasn’t capable of being so callous and cruel as to use her to gain a job…?
The sound of a slam startled her. She glanced up, eyeing the main foyer, only coming to realize a few moments later that it wasn’t her front door. She bowed her head again and resumed her restless walk. He should be coming home any minute now…am I really ready for this?
She wasn’t a confrontational person by nature, but this was absolutely eating away at her. When Inuyasha was unable to offer concrete evidence to back up his accusations, she was spurred into action herself, cutting her last class and hopping the train across town. Once at the main headquarters of her family’s business, she began to rifle through the files she had ready access to – which included all applications for internships. She even checked the secure email correspondences between board members, but alas – it was all for naught. There wasn’t the first mention of any of this season’s candidates yet; she supposed that made sense, considering invitations had only been mailed out a few weeks before.
But still, she couldn’t shake Inuyasha’s suspicions. What reason would he have to lie to me? she wondered as she took the train home, feeling frustrated and defeated all at the same time. After all, he’s never been anything less than totally open with me, whereas Sesshoumaru…
It sickened her to even think so badly of him, but ever since they had gotten together, she’d had this feeling, like he was keeping something from her. She’d done the best she could, making herself available for him in every way she knew how, but still, he held back, unable – or perhaps unwilling – to share.
This would certainly be a good reason why, if it was true.
And so, here she stood, waiting in agony for him to arrive home, so she could find out once and for all just what the hell was going on.
Please, God, don’t let it be true…
She came to a shuddering halt as her phone buzzed against the table, indicating she had received a text. She snatched it up, flipping it open, her heart plummeting as she read the message:
“So sorry, but my meeting with the thesis advisor is running late. Don’t wait for me re: dinner. Don’t know when I’ll be home.”
At that moment, something inside of her snapped.
She hurled the phone across the room, heaving a deep breath, desperation clawing through her chest. He couldn’t even bother to call? she thought bitterly, tears heating behind her eyes.
“And yet again, he denies me,” she said aloud, covering her face with her hands.
Really, it was becoming par for the course. She couldn’t share his body, she couldn’t share his space, she couldn’t share his life. He shut her out of all these things without explanation.
Didn’t he trust her?
Or was there some reason for her not to trust him?
It was too much. She couldn’t – she wouldn’t – stand for this any longer.
She shoved out of the common room, pressing down the hallway towards her own, when she stopped short, eyeing his bedroom door. Desperate times call for desperate measures, she thought, her heart beating wildly in her chest as she contemplated the consequences of her actions. Slowly, she continued down the hall, her palms sweaty as she reached for the knob of his door.
Locked.
Of course.
She should have expected nothing less.
She went back to her own room, rummaged through her things, and returned to his door, determined to find some way in. She laid her tools on the ground in front of her and set to work, biting her lips so hard she almost drew blood in an attempt to keep herself calm.
Nail file.
She knew she was violating his privacy by breaking into his room.
Hair pin.
She also knew that, no matter what she found (if anything), by merely doing this, she was probably ruining their relationship.
Credit card.
What’s left of it, at least, she thought bitterly.
Lockpick kit from her brother.
Finally, after much resistance, the lock gave way, and she slowly eased open the door, taking in the sight before her. She’d never even glimpsed into the room before, such was the extent of his bid for privacy. Somehow, it was so…him: neat as a pin, organized to the hilt, clean and ordered and perfect.
She narrowed her focus to his desk, approaching it stealthily, even though she was the only one home. Taking another deep breath, she lowered herself into the chair, opening one of the drawers and beginning her methodical search.
Time slipped by unmarked as she nosed through his things, going through all six drawers of the old oak desk. Just as she was about to give up all hope –
“What’s this?” she murmured, pushing aside a cadre of papers next to his computer, reaching for a half-hidden pile of neatly completed pages.
Her chest seized as she realized she held a stack of internship applications, all filled out in his handwriting, all for post-grad positions. Her hands began to shake as she rifled through them, all of the doubt and suspicion and misgivings of the last weeks culminating behind her eyes.
No…
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” came a cold, hard voice, shattering her concentration —
– her mind –
– her heart.
Her fingers curled around five damning pages as she slowly turned in her seat, her dark, heated gaze meeting his.
“I could ask you the same thing,” she replied angrily.
no subject
The lady is ARMED AND DANGEROUS.
InuYasha was so incredibly in-character (his little "I will protect you" speech... his habitual protection, even if he's harming her by keeping things from her, as well) and THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN.
Damn!
You can't just stop it here!!!!
*angsts*
no subject
The lady is ARMED AND DANGEROUS.
LOL, never let it be said that she isn't resourceful! :P And she has a kid brother into spying, apparently...
InuYasha was so incredibly in-character (his little "I will protect you" speech... his habitual protection, even if he's harming her by keeping things from her, as well)
Thanks! :) I have to be *so* careful with his conversation at this point. Let me tell you, I've never agonized over word choice so much!!
and THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN.
Damn!
You can't just stop it here!!!!
*angsts*
Its the Evil Cliffhanger of DOOM!! :P
Sorry, but there's actually another prompt I wanted to squeeze into this round of events, so I must stop here. If it makes you feel any better, I've got part of the next section written out, so *crosses fingers* it won't be that long in coming...
no subject
Is the next section an epic throwdown?
(well, probably fairly emotional on Kagome's end as well?)
no subject
I have to get the argument just right, and its killing me. Seriously. I've plotted this story through the next three chapters or so, and this argument is what's holding me back from writing it all out. The muses are going crazy, Sesshoumaru doesn't want to cooperate (and, well, can you blame him, LOL?!), and I'm slowly going insane from their torturings of *me*.
Man, the suffering we do for our art...
no subject
You've gone and done it now! Everything has exploded and now we get to see the fallout. *settles in with popcorn* I CAN'T WAIT!
I know that anger can make you really desperate and that is certainly true with this. To resort to breaking and entering really gives you an idea of how much it was bothering her. It's just like sitting out in the parking lot in the middle of the night, watching an apartment door...*oops*
This was great and jaw dropping! I'm so ready for what's next!
no subject
One who's very into spying on others? LOL. I thought it was a creative way to get her into the room, what can I say? :P
You've gone and done it now! Everything has exploded and now we get to see the fallout. *settles in with popcorn* I CAN'T WAIT!
I already feel the pressure of the next chapter...I have this thing planned out in a nice detail for the next three chapters, but the content of the next one is what's holding me back. I want to get it just right, and the muses are going fucking insane over every little detail.
I know that anger can make you really desperate and that is certainly true with this. To resort to breaking and entering really gives you an idea of how much it was bothering her.
Yay! :) That's exactly what I was going for, that unshakable feeling when you *know* something is wrong, even if you don't want it to be...and then to have your plan for dealing with it thwarted ~ !
Plus, its kinda nice to have nobody completely in the right here - that's pretty much how it happens in real life, at least.
Glad you enjoyed! Hopefully the next chapter will deliver (and be delivered soon, haha).
no subject
Desperation was definitely construed here. Poor Kagome, torn between what's in front of her face and what she wants to believe. Both seem as if they will be walking on eggshells with their next words, lets hope they choose them carefully ;)
Still not sure what I think of Inuyasha. Doesn't he know what's going on with Sesshoumaru and his father? Or is he out of the loop of Sesshoumaru's plans?
*nibbling fingernails anticipating next installment* Please hurry, they're turning into nubs!
no subject
Indeed, I did. There's another prompt that fits quite nicely at this juncture, and I want to use it. I thought long and hard about whether or not to break up these chapters, but the upcoming argument is what's slowing me down. I can feel the pressure - Chapter 14 will make or break this story, aheh.
Desperation was definitely construed here. Poor Kagome, torn between what's in front of her face and what she wants to believe. Both seem as if they will be walking on eggshells with their next words, lets hope they choose them carefully ;)
I'm glad it came through for you - its been a multi-chapter buildup, at least in my own mind. And, really, all she's facing is what's in front of her, and what Inuyasha's told her. She doesn't know Sesshoumaru's side of the story...but at this point, is she even willing to listen to it?
I guess we'll find out in the next chapter, LOL!!
Still not sure what I think of Inuyasha. Doesn't he know what's going on with Sesshoumaru and his father? Or is he out of the loop of Sesshoumaru's plans?
Inuyasha's role in all this will be revealed in the next few chapters. Considering how long I've had them planned out, its hard to keep myself from telling before its time, haha.
*nibbling fingernails anticipating next installment* Please hurry, they're turning into nubs!
I've got a rough draft, but I'm not sure how much of it will make it to the next stage. Like I said, its turned into an all-important chapter, at least in my mind. I hope to have it out soon, though, if that makes you feel any better!
no subject
no subject
Ding ding ding! The layers of intrigue are starting to converge.
Glad you enjoyed it! :)