Suffocate

[luxken27]

Read it at: LJ* | MM.org | FF.net | New! dA*
[* = must be a member of the community/website to view material]

Pairing: Miroku/Sango
Rating: Y
Based upon: mirsan_fics #18 | Possess
Inspiration: “Send the Pain Below” © 2002 Chevelle


This piece was actually borne from a quote search I did, looking for the next perfect summary for the next installment of Fragments. I work on that story from a couple of different angles, including sometimes seeking out the summary quote to help guide me in highlighting what is most important in the scene I'm working on.

And, well, one of the quotes I found didn't exactly work for that universe, but it sparked an idea nonetheless...

But first, a bit of backstory.

It was by pure happenstance that I started writing for this community; Mir/San is certainly not my strongest or most comfortable pairing ~ but I was determined to write a lemon for them based off another song, and that was that. To "warm up," so to speak, I wrote a short oneshot and submitted it for a weekly contest at mirsan_fics ~ and, well, the rest is history.

I don't usually brainstorm ideas for this pairing, so I fell into the habit of serializing the entries I posted to that community. That's a little lazy, and I'm the first to admit it - so, after a very interesting conversation regarding what does and doesn't make a good weekly contest entry, I decided that I was going to focus less on continuing this series at that community, and more on trying to come up with something fresh and original, something that would push my own comfort boundaries and, hopefully, help me understand these characters more. That would ultimately benefit the series in which they star, no? Win-win all around :D

Nevertheless, I can't say I really sought out an idea to fulfill this prompt - more like, it fell into my lap :P I've been getting very good angsty vibes off the inspiration song, in my usual five-years-after-the-fact way *eyeroll* and I went on a quotes search to drum up some inspiration for the next piece of Fragments. I have five or six potentials already, but one seemed to call out for its own fic:

Even after they stopped modeling for Playboy and had settled down with other men to raise families of their own, Hugh Hefner still considered them his women, and in the bound volumes of his magazine he would always possess them. - Gary Talese

I really liked this idea of always being able to possess something, even after it is out of your physical grasp. Originally, I had much darker connotations for this piece, but somehow it evolved into something less sinister. At the same time, there is a feeling of foreboding and uncertainty hanging over it.

What still possess Sango here? What makes her cry, even after apparently getting what she's wanted all along (Miroku)? Is it the grim specter of losing her dearest female friend? Is it the haunting suspicion that things really aren't over, because they didn't get the happy ending they all expected (aka, everyone safe, alive, and in one time period)? After all, it wouldn't be that far out of the realm of reason, considering everything they'd gone through in order to defeat Naraku. Or maybe its some new fear, linked with the attack on Rin, one which was never addressed explicitly in the manga? The fact that her brother walked off with Sesshoumaru here says quite a bit, I'd think.

Mostly what I wanted to do was show that happiness and sadness exist in parallel with each other. They mourn, and yet they make love. They grieve for the loss of their comrade, and yet celebrate the fact that they are free to be together. Maybe they even feel guilt in this happiness, knowing Inuyasha is all alone.

Life is never black and white or easy to separate - and I think that's even more true with these characters. They've spent their entire lives waiting to die or losing everyone dear to them, and suddenly...the death wish is gone.

I wanted to write this from Miroku's perspective for a few different reasons - one of which was the image included at the end, of him wiping the tears from her cheek as she lay, crying in her sleep. I love those sorts of simple, subtle gestures; if done correctly, they really add depth to a piece. Another was because I feel like I don't "know" him as well as I do Sango or the others. He's the one character I connect with the least on a personal level, in the entire main cast. Worse yet, he has no analogous character from which I can draw (as I do with Sango, which I base partially on the Sesshoumaru muse that lives in my head). There just aren't many characters with his complexity and contradictions out there.

Thus far, it appears my tendency is to make him a wise, silent companion, downplaying his flirtatous/sexual side and drawing more on his ability to empathize and work through situations rationally. In doing this, I feel like I'm only getting half his character, but at least I'm understanding more with each new piece :)

I was very surprised that this piece placed first in the contest. I guess, because my "home base" is so much Sess/Kag these days, I feel like I'm a pretender to the throne. I don't know if that feeling will ever dissipate, but its certainly fun to experiment :)

Comments

[kmoaton.livejournal.com]

Your comments on Miroku were interesting. I like to write Miroku because he always inspires really deep thoughts from me. He's a thinker and he's insightful and I always felt that lechery was just a shield for his true feelings. Sango, on the other hand, has given me trouble because she is such a contradiction. She's tough but so sensitive and I actually have to work really hard to not make her just a whimpy, mushy mess. I think I'm more stunned that it seems 'Destined' is turning more into a story being told from Sango's POV just as 'Absolution' is so much Miroku's tale. Maybe she is finally talking to me.

[aamalie]

Ooh, that quote just rubs me in all the wrong ways. D: Creeper, much?

I`m really interested in seeing you get to know these characters, especially Miroku. He`s a tough cookie, and it`s so easy to cast him one way because he`s got so many aspects to his character. Maturity wise, he`s definitely the strongest of the core group, and it`s easy to forget that, even though he`s a man by feudal standards, he`s still actually in his teens. Really, they all are. And it`s weird, and I`m still not used to being older than all of them! D:

But anyway, you`re doing very well for what`s still a relatively new pairing for you. I, for one, am glad to have ya around! :)

[kmoaton.livejournal.com]

Ahhh...Sesshomaru. He is the hardest one for me to write. I can't wrap my brain around the "less is more" approach that you have to take with him. You do it so well but I know my issue goes back to me and the details! LOL! I always want to have him say more, so reining him in is a real problem of mine.

I think my Sango push come from seeing so many people butcher her. I have read so many badfics where she is a bitch or this whinny thing. Destined started out because at the end of manga, so many writers had Sango as this happy mama and I was like "WTF?". After everything that happened, did they really believe she just fell into wife and mother that easily?

Miroku has always been my secret crush. I think I'd love to talk to him more than any member of the Inutachi. So much of his story was really left out of the manga and that has made me curious.

I'm hoping that Sango pipes up and tells me what she's thinking. Next chapter, she's getting married and having sex...I would like her to cooperate! LOL

[eggplantlady.livejournal.com]

You really need to stop doubting yourself so much, at least when it comes to writing Mir/San.

[yumi-michiyo.livejournal.com]

Your handling of Mir/San continues to leave me in awe - not to mention your extensive meta, LOL. Now if only I could corral my thoughts to do one of those...

[landofthekwt.livejournal.com]

I always have a problem with Miroku. In the canon he is still trying to sneak around on Sango long after they have been engaged. He is handsome,intelligent and charming,but in the past he used that charm to lie, cheat, steal and make even women he does not want fall in love with him. IY and Shippou have a running commentary about his faults especially after he refuses to give up other women. His love for Sango begins to manifest itself when he has to save her. He has always been selfish. Saving Sango at the risk of his own life moves him beyond himself. Miroku was always in a race to kill Naraku before he died. Dying never bothered him. It is when Sango puts her life in his hands that he decides that he has to live for her. At the end he is still cheating people out of money, but he is doing it now for Sango and the children not wasting it on wine, women and song.