Fragments | 10: Fortune Favors the Bold

[luxken27]

Read it at: LJ | MM.org | FF.net | dA

Pairing: Miroku/Sango
Rating: T
Inspiration: mirsan_fics Prompt #24 | Tear (2nd Place)
Based upon: “Sometime Around Midnight” © 2008 Mikel Jollett [The Airborne Toxic Event]


This chapter is dedicated to aamalie ~ for all that you've done, and continue to do, I honestly can't tell you how much I appreciate it all. Fanart was like icing on the awesome cake, and I wish I could really repay you all the squeeful joy you've sent my way these last few weeks =)

On a side note - my mind continues to boggle at the reception of this fic, not only by the pairing ship, but also in general fandom. It was nominated for four awards during the January 2010 term at Eikyuu Kosai, and it placed in all four categories O.O

1st Place, Best Alternate Universe
1st Place, Best Character Portrayal: Miroku
1st Place, Best Multichapter Work
2nd Place, Best Lemon ("Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces")

I...have no words, honestly. The feedback and support I've received for this fic has just been totally out of this world, making working on it a true joy and light in my fandom life. Thank you guys so much!! Now, if only I could find a way to bribe this audience to read the rest of my work as well, LOL... ;)

I've long since known it was time to give Miroku his due in this universe; even though this has very much been Sango's story from the start, I've wanted to make him feel like a true lead in his own story. And that meant finally sitting down and figuring out how to mold the complexities of his canon characterization to fit into this very modern universe, all while trying to sidestep the usual stereotypical fanon cliches.

It certainly wasn't easy - I still have a hard time reconciling all of his behaviors with the character I feel he is deep down - very wise, very thoughtful, driven by his passions and yet, not impulsive. These are things I can "relate" to, at some level; his behavior on the other hand, not so much. He's pretty much a pretty conman with a lecherous reputation who's seeking a woman to bear his child before he succumbs to the familial curse in the manga. He is, at turns, an outrageous liar and flirt, doing whatever he can to further his own aims. I understand why he acts this way, but not necessarily the actual behaviors themselves, so its always been troubling for me to feel like I give the entirety of his character any justice when I attempt to write him.

This was my attempt to kinda touch on all bases, while still propelling the story forward. I haven't used a prompt word explicitly for this serial in a long time, but something about this week's mirsan_fics prompt finally sparked the flood needed to finally get inside Miroku's head, see the aftermath of the sex and breakup from his point of view, and finally see where he stood in the whole matter, as well as fleshing out some of the background hinted at in previous chapters.

One of the things I like to do with my AUs is find some way to parallel the characters' backgrounds to those of the canon story, so that their actions feel more authentic, even when displaced from the original universe. So, I decided that he was a reformed rebel, someone who had struck out from the path his father put him on in order to deal with unexpected tragedy. Rebellion would be a good explanation for all the lechery and sowing of wild oats, and it would also give him a real reason to feel remorse, when he missed his father's death out of some misplaced notion of pride and stubbornness. Even in the canon, I think Miroku's father's death affects him greatly, giving him a peek into his own mortality and sparking the desperation that fuels his quest for an heir.

I'll probably always downplay the flirtatious side of our favorite monk, but even that I tried to work into this installment, if indirectly. Would Miroku turn down a willing woman in canon? I'd say yes. I feel like he grew past these actions as the manga canon moved on, and I think a harsh dose of reality in the form of death would be enough to shake him from an initial horny teenage fantasy in this universe. In some ways, he's forced to grow up before he's ready, but that also shapes the person he has become, and the person Sango was so attracted to.

There is a bit of the original inspiration song weaved into this installment, from the end of the song:

Then you walk under the streetlights
And you're too drunk to notice that everyone is staring at you
You don't care what you look like, the world is falling around you
You just have to see her / You just have to see her / You just have to see her / You just have to see her
You just have to see her / You know that she'll break you in two
This is the angsty climax of the song - and, in some ways, of this fic. Ultimately, Miroku realizes he's not afraid of sharing himself with this girl, but at the same time, he's not willing to make a selfish choice and disregard her feelings in the matter - the mistake he made with his father at the last.

Secondary inspiration took hold in the form of another Shinedown song, “If You Only Knew.” The lyrics are a little bit creepy, but the actual song is very melancholy, a perfect fit to the sort of mood I wanted to convey for Miroku here:

If you only knew / how I refuse to let you go / even when you're gone
I don't regret any days I spent / nights we shared / or letters that I sent

It's 4:03 / and I can't sleep / without you next to me / I toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight / Bring me back to life
Breathe your breath in me / The only thing I still believe in is you / If you only knew
I've found myself spinning a lot of Shinedown while I contemplate Miroku's place in this universe...the fact that I've won an award for his portrayal in this fic just blows my mind, because I feel like I have only just scratched the surface.

Because I have been uber-busy this week, I have not had the chance to reply to comments posted for this entry at the contest community. The "official" version has been tweaked slightly, but I wanted to have the chance to respond here, since all of the people who commented are also on my f-list, LOL. So to landofthekwt, yumi_michiyo, and aamalie...

landofthekwt replied: Love the background. Amazing all of the transformations he has gone through. First, he and his father became alienated because of the strictness of his upbringing after his mother died. Then he rebelled when he moved to Mushin. After his father's death he changed again and became the person whom Sango met. He is clearly ready for her. Maybe he should go out and find her instead of waiting for her.

Thanks! =) I'm glad you enjoyed the background I crafted for Miroku here. It was important to me (as I said above) to bring in elements of his canonical background, and there's just no separating him from the loveable monk in my mind. I like to think his father chose that sort of extreme life during his own grief response to his wife's death (grief does strange things to people), because he felt he couldn't raise Miroku on his own - so he turned to the only support system he still had - his faith.

He's definitely grown up, through all of the tragic circumstances of his life, but the one thing he's not yet willing to do is make another selfish mistake. He wants Sango for all the right reasons, but realizes he can't force her into a situation for his own comfort - that would defeat the entire point of trying to support her in her time of need. He's content to wait, to make sure its the will of her heart as well as his...at least for the moment.

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yumi_michiyo replied: Wow. This was a fabulously introspective piece - it gave Miroku's character so much more depth and definition within the context of this AU.

Thanks! It was beyond time to give him a balance against Sango - in my own mind, I had to outline the reasons they were made for each other, beyond star-crossed lovers/destiny/whatever. Plus, it was time to put everyone out of their misery regarding his secretive, tragic past, LOL :P

The interaction with Mei was beautiful. You brought out Miroku's conflict well and then proceeded to resolve it convincingly <3

Another great installment :D

I'm glad you thought so - I wasn't sure how anyone would react to that particular section. After all, who is Miroku to ever turn down such an offer? :P I debated for a good long time just exactly who I wanted to approach him, and I wrote it that way because of the last bit - where she advises him to seek out and resolve his problems. That one line is what caused him to tumble off the cliff, so to speak, into introspection of his past, his present, and his future. So, I'm glad it struck a chord with someone :P

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aamalie replied: Oh, it's so wonderful to finally get more of Miroku's backstory and to start understanding his side of the connection more. You're very good at handling Miroku's serious and deep side...and using that to totally break my heart!

LOL! Well, I'm glad to hear I 'did it right', but my intention was certainly not to break your heart in the process! :-/ I just think this side of him is far more prescient to his character than the flirty, lecherous stuff, but maybe that just speaks to my own bias, LOL.

It's interesting seeing how, even though there's something between them and he empathizes with Sango so well, he doesn't completely know her.

Yes - I'm glad you picked up on that! The connection is there, but he hasn't quite tumbled headlong into mad, passionate love. There are still things that hold him back, including a bit of insecurity about how well the rest of their lives match up, beyond the sexual or cerebral.

Some of his conceived obstacles show that, and even though it may feel right, there's still a lot of ambiguity to deal with. Plus, keeping in mind where they parted ways... That's a lot to process. Of course it would affect his work!

Heh, indeed - but sometimes you are so close to the problem, you don't realize the ways in which it manifests itself. I'm having to play a bit with the timeline to have the segments ordered the way I want, so only a few weeks have passed since their parting - but already, the toll is beginning to show with him. I picture his staff at the bar as being very protective of him as well, though that probably hasn't manifested in the story itself just yet.

They've got a long way to go from here, I imagine, but I'm looking forward to seeing how (and when!) they start bridging the gap. I confess I'm torn - I really want to see them get back together soon, but considering Miroku seems to be leaving the choice up to Sango...

There are a couple of reasons he's leaving the ball in her court - he doesn't want to pressure her, as he witnessed Karanousuke doing during that last encounter, because he knows the way to support someone in their grief is to give them a wide berth, not try to box them into a corner. He also doesn't know what he can offer her, beyond a shoulder to cry on, which is all well and good but has little practical value. You can see by his last thoughts there he has given quite a bit of brainspace over to thinking of creating a life with her, and yet, he's not willing to admit he loves her...because of the absolute disparity in their personal knowledge of each other. He senses that he may be ready, but she's certainly not. He knows so much more about her than she knows about him - and yet, this doesn't bother him, the idea that he has more left to confess than she does, which was very powerful for me. I'd think someone who's lived with the sort of tragedy he has would be fearful of opening up to someone new, if only to lose them again in some form or fashion. But, he trusts his instincts - and now, he has to trust hers.

Judging by the last installment, she needs to go through the process of resolving some of her past and rediscovering who she is and what she wants before she can move forward. But can she - just maybe - do both at the same time? Hmm.

You are certainly correct in that regard - there is still much she has to work through, and after all - the last she heard from Miroku, he'd just left her without much beyond a harsh pronouncement. It would hardly seem fair to push her that far and then not force her to make her own decisions. Here, we see that Miroku is still supporting her, albeit from afar, so the reader is assured of his stance, even as it stays off Sango's radar. Ultimately, she will be the deciding factor, because pretty much all of her decisions from here on out will affect more lives than just her own. Is she ready for that responsibility? We're about to find out...

This series makes me think and wonder so much, LOL. I loved this piece and am already dying for more! ;)

Well, yay for the first part!! You know I love to hear everyone's speculation, and sometimes it helps focus my ideas for forthcoming chapters. As to the latter...well, sorry to keep you in suspense, but alas, I am but a slave to my muses - fickle, flighty creatures though they may be... :P

Comments

[starzki.livejournal.com]

Just a weird kind of coincidence:

The name of the band "Airborne Toxic Event" comes from one of my top three favorite novels of all time, White Noise by Don DeLillo. (It shares top three based on my mood with Kurt Vonnegut's Timequake and Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale.)

It's awesome that one of my favorite books inspired a band's name who, in turn, wrote a song that inspired a chapter in a fanfic that I've just started following and enjoying.

Layers upon layers of awesomeness.

[luxken27]

It's awesome that one of my favorite books inspired a band's name who, in turn, wrote a song that inspired a chapter in a fanfic that I've just started following and enjoying.

O.O

Whoa, the trifecta has been reached! Dude...I love it when things come together like this!

I totally heard this song on internet radio while I was still studying in the Netherlands, and my first thought was, here is the inspiration I've been searching for, to try my hand at Mir/San lemonfic. It appears I've done more than I ever thought possible with said inspiration, and I at this point, can only hope it lasts...

I hope you enjoy the fic! As you can see, it tends to spawn meta-commentary of awesome, which is why I enjoy it so much :P