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Kids Inc | Oneshot: Secrets
Title: Secrets
Fandom: Kids Incorporated
Universe: Canon divergence (Season 5)
Genre: Angst/Romance
Rating: Y / M
Summary: When Stacy learns of a secret from Ryan’s past, it threatens to shatter their relationship for good.
Inspiration: “Secrets” © 2009 Ryan Tedder [One Republic]
Link(s): FF.net |
LJ | DW | AO3
This story was written for KeB, who left me lucky review #50 for Stacy in Bloom. She requested angsty romance for her favorite pairing (and mine!) set sometime after the show’s canon run. This was a challenge that brought me somewhat out of my comfort zone, and not necessarily in a *bad* way. It's also the first M-rated fic for this category on FF.net, so yeah. I'm a little nervous about what reaction, if any, this will garner.
When I decided, rather on impulse, that I was going to write a giftfic for my 50th reviewer on my epic KI story, I only had a small idea of what I was getting myself into. I've offered giftfic for review milestones before, and it's...not exactly gone well. (I still owe one for Fleeting, in fact *wince*) I wasn't sure who would be the lucky reviewer, and I wasn't sure what sort of prompt they might give me. I was mostly afraid of two things: (1) that they'd ask for something I've already got in the works for SiB, or (2) they'd ask for something totally off the wall and weird that I wouldn't be able to even wrap my mind around, much less write.
Luckily, I got neither =) It was a real stroke of luck to get in touch with my reviewer, as she doesn't have an FF.net account, and that part of the process went incredibly well. I was excited to work with her, and have someone to squee with at the depths that we did (we've covered everything, from KI proper to both Ryan's and Stacy's present endeavors, and have generally been geeking out as only fen can, LOL). I feel like I've made a friend - which, if nothing else, makes all that I went through for this story worth it :)
Here was her original prompt to me:
I believe my original thoughts went something like this:
(1) *whew* this is not something that I'm planning to write for SiB, and thus, not something I'll have to figure out how to write twice, followed by:
(2) hoshit I'm going to have to write them having sex?!?!?!?!
LOL. Needless to say, I've had some issues with the idea of sexualizing these characters, and that's for a couple of reasons - first of all, this *is* a kids' show, which was more or less devoid of even the most innocent romantic storylines (everybody got to have a crush, but that was it - and it was never spoken of again!)...and secondly, this is a pairing I've idolized since I was five. LITERALLY. I shipped these two before I even knew what "shipping" was. Part of me is always going to see these characters the same was I did when I was five ~ and I don't know about any of you, but when I was five I was not thinking about sexytimez.
But, the idea was definitely not without merit. It really intrigued me, and I was immediately hit with a vision of this 'confession' scene, so I decided, what the hell, let's follow up - sex and its perception is something I'll be dealing with in SiB (even though that fic will never rate higher than it already does), so might as well get some practice in first =) Plus, there will be some sex in the sequel to SiB, so I might as well go ahead and get used to the idea that these forever-seventeens are doing it, childhood breakage or no.
Fairly quickly, this idea gained legs with me, and I decided that I could swing this, without the story being explicitly written. Let's make this a HS/college divide scenario, which will explain (1) why Stacy wants to have sex so early into her relationship, (2) how its feasible out from under the watchful eyes of her parents, and (3) give an excuse for Ryan and Renee to be within the same vicinity of each other. So, the basic plot is this: Renee and Ryan are students at Columbia (yay NYC!), and Stacy goes to stay with her sister practically every weekend...but spends most of her time with her boyfriend. This way, her parents are satisfied and she has a modicum of independence, along with an extra layer of pressure to quickly sexualize her budding romance, in the form of dating an older guy.
This fic evolved into three scenes, each with some pretty distinct inspiration, so I'll break it down in the same way to talk about them...
Scene 1. Renee and Stacy have a sisterly chat as Stacy rushes around, trying to make herself perfect ahead of her Big Night.
Inspiration - this clip of Fergie, performing "Fergalicious" on the Sharon Osbourne Show in 2006
I like this performance, period, but I also love this outfit. And, as a bonus, it's something that would actually fit into the timeframe that this story takes place - the early 90s. Gotta love that use of flannel, LOL. I liked the idea of Stacy choosing a self-consciously "sexy" outfit and really trying to groom herself into absolute perfection. It's kinda her way of controlling the situation and her own conflicting feelings - excitement, over growing closer to Ryan, and insecurity, about having sex for the first time. She's had the chance to really build this up into A Thing, and get a complex about it, and that's basically what plays out in the rest of the piece.
I adore writing Renee + Stacy sisterly scenes, just because they're both awesome characters, and so different from each other. Working on this story has inspired me to dig a bit deeper into Renee as a character, beyond her role as diva/smart kid/sister. It should prove interesting :) Her practicality plays off Stacy's headstrong defiance well, I think.
Scene 2. Ryan and Stacy's ill-fated date
Inspiration - "I Was Made to Love Her" by Stevie Wonder
Kind of a funny story about how I chose this song. It's actually because of a one-off note in this post, detailing my bass playing inspiration for a scene in Stacy in Bloom. I listen to this guy's playalongs all the time, and it just so happened to be something I chose the night I was looking for musical inspiration for this piece - and I took a closer listen to the lyrics, and realized it was perfect.
It just wouldn't be a KI story without someone breaking into song at some point, and when I decided these two would be going to karaoke for their big date, I started scheming for something for Ryan to sing. I asked KeB what her favorite pre-90s love songs were, but none of her suggestions seemed to quite fit, so I was happy when I stumbled onto this. And picturing Ryan singing it just made me smile, and I knew if it amused me, it'd amuse my female lead...and give Ryan the perfect excuse to drink :P
He's serenading her to help her relax (her anxiety is basically rolling off her in waves) and to sort of indirectly reassure her of his feelings for her. Because, you know, most guys can't just say it right out :P
Here are the original lyrics to the song, for those interested:
I was born in Lil' Rock
Had a childhood sweetheart
We were always hand in hand.
I wore hightop shoes and shirt tails
Suzy was in pig tails
I knew I loved her even then.
You know my papa disapproved it
My mama boohooed it
But I told them time and time again
"Don't you know, I was made to love her
Built a world all around her..."
Yah! Hey, hey, hey.
She's been my inspiration
Showed appreciation
For the love I gave her through the years
Like a sweet magnolia tree
My love blossomed tenderly
My life grew sweeter through the years
I know that my baby loves me
My baby needs me
That's why we made it through the years
I was made to love her
Worship and adore her
Hey, hey, hey
All through thick and thin
Our love just won't end
'Cause I love my baby, love my baby - hey!
My baby loves me
My baby needs me
And I know I ain't going nowhere
I was knee high to a chicken
When that love bug bit me
I had the fever with each passing year
Oh, even if the mountain tumbles
If this whole world crumbles
By her side I'll still be standing there
'Cause I was made to love her
I was made to live for her, yeah!
Ah, I was made to love her
Built my world all around her
Hey, hey, hey
Oo baby, I was made to please her
You know Stevie ain't gonna leave her, no
Hey, hey, hey...
Of course, Ryan's serenade goes a little bit better than planned, and he attracts the attention of fellow karaoke bar regular/ex-girlfriend, Melissa, who proceeds to throw herself at him in the most obvious way possible. This immediately ignites Stacy's insecurity, and she only gets more and more angry over the idea that (1) he has a past that she doesn't know about, and (2) she thinks he's keeping it from her.
Writing their argument pretty much gave me a sleepless night, LOL It just felt foreign to write them sniping at each other like this >:( But, people say shit they don't mean in the heat of the moment, so I tried not to back down (too much). Having Ryan call her a child was the sticking point. Yeah, sake doesn't tend to dull your senses that much, but it was enough.
BTW, the bar I chose for them to go to is a real place - Japas55, on West 55th. It was perfect for my scenario, because it's actually a combined karaoke bar and Japanese restaurant. It has a public performance area and private rooms in the back, and the restaurant below delivers to the revelers above. This place probably didn't exist in the mid-90s, but it's close enough to Columbia that I was willing to handwave that.
Scene 3. The aftermath of Stacy's and Ryan's argument.
Inspiration - KeB's original musical suggestion, the song "Secrets" by OneRepublic
I always like to have musical guidance when I can while writing, and I think this sets the tone for the last bit of the story very nicely. The anxiety and anger has slipped into angst, as Stacy wonders about the extent of the damage to her relationship. She ran away immediately afterwards, and it's been total silence between them for a week. When he calls and asks her to meet him so they can talk, she's not sure if he wants to apologize, or dump her.
Their meeting spot was the Deluxe, a diner right around the corner from the Columbia undergraduate dorm that I put Ryan in. (Oh, yes. Even though Columbia University played but a nominal role in this fic, merely to set the scene, I did quite a bit of research on it, and chose dorms for both Renee and Ryan, as well as majors and even social sets. It makes it feel more authentic to me, if I can give them some backstory to ground them.) ANYWAY, the Deluxe is basically a very brightly-colored diner that lots of Columbia students hang around. It's decorated similarly to the P*lace, so it has that nostalgic feel. I was consciously trying to make this scene as different from their date night as possible, just to heighten the contrast - in attitude, in emotion, and in appearance. Stacy thinks she's going to be dumped, so she doesn't both dressing up in a sexy outfit to impress him. (She only thinks of this later, after it's already too late.)
Ryan and Stacy have a pretty decent heart-to-heart about their argument, and their differing views on sex and its importance in a relationship. I tried really, really hard not to make it sound like I was moralizing or choosing a viewpoint or whatever, but I'm not sure I succeeded. I tried to pick arguments that I thought worked for each character. Ryan, like Renee, is pretty practical. He's laid back, and just kinda takes things as they come, and has had enjoyable experiences because of it. Stacy's a little uptight because hell, she's sixteen and contemplating all of this for the first time. Give any teen enough time to think, and they'll hang themselves with the consequences of their actions :P The idea that Ryan has already had sex just doesn't even occur to her, so when it does, it's a blow. She's not expecting it, and she doesn't know how to handle it - and even in the end, she realizes its something she's going to have to learn how to deal with.
For Ryan's ex, I chose the girl who asked him to the Sadie Hawkins' Day dance in Season 4, Episode 7, "You've Got the Wrong Date". It's somewhat implied in Ryan's later seasons that he's something of a ladies' man, but just like the others, he wasn't really allowed much in the way of romance. I take the tiny mentions where I can and run with them, LOL.
This story was a challenge in a lot of ways - not the least of which being my jackwagon of a neighbor who decided to blast his music so loud I could hear it all weekend (grr) - and though I'm not totally over-the-moon in love with the final product, I am reasonably satisfied. More importantly, though, my recipient LOVED it, and that's what giftfics are all about, after all =) It was her idea, and I executed it to her liking, so hey - we all win, no?
It was, overall, a very pleasant experience, and I haveta say, I'm thinking a little more positively about giftfics now =) I'm looking forward to the chance to write more, should the occasion ever arise!
Fandom: Kids Incorporated
Universe: Canon divergence (Season 5)
Genre: Angst/Romance
Rating: Y / M
Summary: When Stacy learns of a secret from Ryan’s past, it threatens to shatter their relationship for good.
Inspiration: “Secrets” © 2009 Ryan Tedder [One Republic]
Link(s): FF.net |
LJ | DW | AO3This story was written for KeB, who left me lucky review #50 for Stacy in Bloom. She requested angsty romance for her favorite pairing (and mine!) set sometime after the show’s canon run. This was a challenge that brought me somewhat out of my comfort zone, and not necessarily in a *bad* way. It's also the first M-rated fic for this category on FF.net, so yeah. I'm a little nervous about what reaction, if any, this will garner.
When I decided, rather on impulse, that I was going to write a giftfic for my 50th reviewer on my epic KI story, I only had a small idea of what I was getting myself into. I've offered giftfic for review milestones before, and it's...not exactly gone well. (I still owe one for Fleeting, in fact *wince*) I wasn't sure who would be the lucky reviewer, and I wasn't sure what sort of prompt they might give me. I was mostly afraid of two things: (1) that they'd ask for something I've already got in the works for SiB, or (2) they'd ask for something totally off the wall and weird that I wouldn't be able to even wrap my mind around, much less write.
Luckily, I got neither =) It was a real stroke of luck to get in touch with my reviewer, as she doesn't have an FF.net account, and that part of the process went incredibly well. I was excited to work with her, and have someone to squee with at the depths that we did (we've covered everything, from KI proper to both Ryan's and Stacy's present endeavors, and have generally been geeking out as only fen can, LOL). I feel like I've made a friend - which, if nothing else, makes all that I went through for this story worth it :)
Here was her original prompt to me:
Anyways, here's my scenario...
Ryan and Stacy have been together for a couple months and things are starting to heat up between them and become more physical. They have just recently told each other they loved each other, things are going great, and they are getting to the point of becoming intimate. They talk about it and Stacy decides that she is ready. Before all this can happen though, some old girlfriend comes back into Ryan's life (in a totally platonic way) and Ryan confesses to Stacy that he had lost his virginity to her (before Stacy). This throws Stacy for a loop as she was not aware of it and all of a sudden is insecure in her relationship with Ryan, insecure with the fact that this old girlfriend is back in his life, and makes her rethink sleeping with him. Ryan needs to try and reassure her of his love for her and that was all in the past. I don't know maybe the old girlfriend could still be interested in Ryan too.
I believe my original thoughts went something like this:
(1) *whew* this is not something that I'm planning to write for SiB, and thus, not something I'll have to figure out how to write twice, followed by:
(2) hoshit I'm going to have to write them having sex?!?!?!?!
LOL. Needless to say, I've had some issues with the idea of sexualizing these characters, and that's for a couple of reasons - first of all, this *is* a kids' show, which was more or less devoid of even the most innocent romantic storylines (everybody got to have a crush, but that was it - and it was never spoken of again!)...and secondly, this is a pairing I've idolized since I was five. LITERALLY. I shipped these two before I even knew what "shipping" was. Part of me is always going to see these characters the same was I did when I was five ~ and I don't know about any of you, but when I was five I was not thinking about sexytimez.
But, the idea was definitely not without merit. It really intrigued me, and I was immediately hit with a vision of this 'confession' scene, so I decided, what the hell, let's follow up - sex and its perception is something I'll be dealing with in SiB (even though that fic will never rate higher than it already does), so might as well get some practice in first =) Plus, there will be some sex in the sequel to SiB, so I might as well go ahead and get used to the idea that these forever-seventeens are doing it, childhood breakage or no.
Fairly quickly, this idea gained legs with me, and I decided that I could swing this, without the story being explicitly written. Let's make this a HS/college divide scenario, which will explain (1) why Stacy wants to have sex so early into her relationship, (2) how its feasible out from under the watchful eyes of her parents, and (3) give an excuse for Ryan and Renee to be within the same vicinity of each other. So, the basic plot is this: Renee and Ryan are students at Columbia (yay NYC!), and Stacy goes to stay with her sister practically every weekend...but spends most of her time with her boyfriend. This way, her parents are satisfied and she has a modicum of independence, along with an extra layer of pressure to quickly sexualize her budding romance, in the form of dating an older guy.
This fic evolved into three scenes, each with some pretty distinct inspiration, so I'll break it down in the same way to talk about them...
Scene 1. Renee and Stacy have a sisterly chat as Stacy rushes around, trying to make herself perfect ahead of her Big Night.
Inspiration - this clip of Fergie, performing "Fergalicious" on the Sharon Osbourne Show in 2006
I like this performance, period, but I also love this outfit. And, as a bonus, it's something that would actually fit into the timeframe that this story takes place - the early 90s. Gotta love that use of flannel, LOL. I liked the idea of Stacy choosing a self-consciously "sexy" outfit and really trying to groom herself into absolute perfection. It's kinda her way of controlling the situation and her own conflicting feelings - excitement, over growing closer to Ryan, and insecurity, about having sex for the first time. She's had the chance to really build this up into A Thing, and get a complex about it, and that's basically what plays out in the rest of the piece.
I adore writing Renee + Stacy sisterly scenes, just because they're both awesome characters, and so different from each other. Working on this story has inspired me to dig a bit deeper into Renee as a character, beyond her role as diva/smart kid/sister. It should prove interesting :) Her practicality plays off Stacy's headstrong defiance well, I think.
Scene 2. Ryan and Stacy's ill-fated date
Inspiration - "I Was Made to Love Her" by Stevie Wonder
Kind of a funny story about how I chose this song. It's actually because of a one-off note in this post, detailing my bass playing inspiration for a scene in Stacy in Bloom. I listen to this guy's playalongs all the time, and it just so happened to be something I chose the night I was looking for musical inspiration for this piece - and I took a closer listen to the lyrics, and realized it was perfect.
It just wouldn't be a KI story without someone breaking into song at some point, and when I decided these two would be going to karaoke for their big date, I started scheming for something for Ryan to sing. I asked KeB what her favorite pre-90s love songs were, but none of her suggestions seemed to quite fit, so I was happy when I stumbled onto this. And picturing Ryan singing it just made me smile, and I knew if it amused me, it'd amuse my female lead...and give Ryan the perfect excuse to drink :P
He's serenading her to help her relax (her anxiety is basically rolling off her in waves) and to sort of indirectly reassure her of his feelings for her. Because, you know, most guys can't just say it right out :P
Here are the original lyrics to the song, for those interested:
I was born in Lil' Rock
Had a childhood sweetheart
We were always hand in hand.
I wore hightop shoes and shirt tails
Suzy was in pig tails
I knew I loved her even then.
You know my papa disapproved it
My mama boohooed it
But I told them time and time again
"Don't you know, I was made to love her
Built a world all around her..."
Yah! Hey, hey, hey.
She's been my inspiration
Showed appreciation
For the love I gave her through the years
Like a sweet magnolia tree
My love blossomed tenderly
My life grew sweeter through the years
I know that my baby loves me
My baby needs me
That's why we made it through the years
I was made to love her
Worship and adore her
Hey, hey, hey
All through thick and thin
Our love just won't end
'Cause I love my baby, love my baby - hey!
My baby loves me
My baby needs me
And I know I ain't going nowhere
I was knee high to a chicken
When that love bug bit me
I had the fever with each passing year
Oh, even if the mountain tumbles
If this whole world crumbles
By her side I'll still be standing there
'Cause I was made to love her
I was made to live for her, yeah!
Ah, I was made to love her
Built my world all around her
Hey, hey, hey
Oo baby, I was made to please her
You know Stevie ain't gonna leave her, no
Hey, hey, hey...
Of course, Ryan's serenade goes a little bit better than planned, and he attracts the attention of fellow karaoke bar regular/ex-girlfriend, Melissa, who proceeds to throw herself at him in the most obvious way possible. This immediately ignites Stacy's insecurity, and she only gets more and more angry over the idea that (1) he has a past that she doesn't know about, and (2) she thinks he's keeping it from her.
Writing their argument pretty much gave me a sleepless night, LOL It just felt foreign to write them sniping at each other like this >:( But, people say shit they don't mean in the heat of the moment, so I tried not to back down (too much). Having Ryan call her a child was the sticking point. Yeah, sake doesn't tend to dull your senses that much, but it was enough.
BTW, the bar I chose for them to go to is a real place - Japas55, on West 55th. It was perfect for my scenario, because it's actually a combined karaoke bar and Japanese restaurant. It has a public performance area and private rooms in the back, and the restaurant below delivers to the revelers above. This place probably didn't exist in the mid-90s, but it's close enough to Columbia that I was willing to handwave that.
Scene 3. The aftermath of Stacy's and Ryan's argument.
Inspiration - KeB's original musical suggestion, the song "Secrets" by OneRepublic
I always like to have musical guidance when I can while writing, and I think this sets the tone for the last bit of the story very nicely. The anxiety and anger has slipped into angst, as Stacy wonders about the extent of the damage to her relationship. She ran away immediately afterwards, and it's been total silence between them for a week. When he calls and asks her to meet him so they can talk, she's not sure if he wants to apologize, or dump her.
Their meeting spot was the Deluxe, a diner right around the corner from the Columbia undergraduate dorm that I put Ryan in. (Oh, yes. Even though Columbia University played but a nominal role in this fic, merely to set the scene, I did quite a bit of research on it, and chose dorms for both Renee and Ryan, as well as majors and even social sets. It makes it feel more authentic to me, if I can give them some backstory to ground them.) ANYWAY, the Deluxe is basically a very brightly-colored diner that lots of Columbia students hang around. It's decorated similarly to the P*lace, so it has that nostalgic feel. I was consciously trying to make this scene as different from their date night as possible, just to heighten the contrast - in attitude, in emotion, and in appearance. Stacy thinks she's going to be dumped, so she doesn't both dressing up in a sexy outfit to impress him. (She only thinks of this later, after it's already too late.)
Ryan and Stacy have a pretty decent heart-to-heart about their argument, and their differing views on sex and its importance in a relationship. I tried really, really hard not to make it sound like I was moralizing or choosing a viewpoint or whatever, but I'm not sure I succeeded. I tried to pick arguments that I thought worked for each character. Ryan, like Renee, is pretty practical. He's laid back, and just kinda takes things as they come, and has had enjoyable experiences because of it. Stacy's a little uptight because hell, she's sixteen and contemplating all of this for the first time. Give any teen enough time to think, and they'll hang themselves with the consequences of their actions :P The idea that Ryan has already had sex just doesn't even occur to her, so when it does, it's a blow. She's not expecting it, and she doesn't know how to handle it - and even in the end, she realizes its something she's going to have to learn how to deal with.
For Ryan's ex, I chose the girl who asked him to the Sadie Hawkins' Day dance in Season 4, Episode 7, "You've Got the Wrong Date". It's somewhat implied in Ryan's later seasons that he's something of a ladies' man, but just like the others, he wasn't really allowed much in the way of romance. I take the tiny mentions where I can and run with them, LOL.
This story was a challenge in a lot of ways - not the least of which being my jackwagon of a neighbor who decided to blast his music so loud I could hear it all weekend (grr) - and though I'm not totally over-the-moon in love with the final product, I am reasonably satisfied. More importantly, though, my recipient LOVED it, and that's what giftfics are all about, after all =) It was her idea, and I executed it to her liking, so hey - we all win, no?
It was, overall, a very pleasant experience, and I haveta say, I'm thinking a little more positively about giftfics now =) I'm looking forward to the chance to write more, should the occasion ever arise!
no subject
*goes over to A03*
no subject
Thanks for leaving me my very first comment at AO3, LOL!! I'll reply to it when I actually have a chance to visit AO3 (since I can't from work) :P