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Fragments | 15: The Agony of Ecstasy
Read it at: LJ | MM.org | FF.net | dA
Pairing: Miroku/Sango
Rating: T
Inspiration: “What Becomes of the Brokenhearted” © 1966 William Weatherspoon, Paul Riser, & James Dean [Jimmy Ruffin]
Based upon: “Sometime Around Midnight” © 2008 Mikel Jollett [The Airborne Toxic Event]
GUESS WHAT'S FINALLY COMPLETE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hahaha, so. Finally, we have arrived at the end of Fragments. It's been a long and complicated journey, waylaid for over a year before finally being pushed over the finish line, but finally, you guys have access to what I've known since July 2010.
I'm not even sure where to begin with the meta, honestly. I've spent the last month or so trying to motivate myself to tackle this project. It's always hard to say goodbye to familiar characters and a universe you've worked so hard to construct, but this was doubly hard for me, because of everything that's happened since I started posting this story two years ago. A lot of shit went down in this little corner of IY fandom, and this story, perhaps unfairly, always carried the burden of that baggage for me. It really feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, even as I'm sad to see this story go.
The first scene was probably the trickiest to write, since it's basically a bait-and-switch. It had to be vague enough so that the reader thought it to be the events directly following the previous installment, and yet also be true to what it really was. Honestly, I liked the way this turned out - even if you go back and read it, knowing what it's leading up to, I still think it makes sense. Sometimes I play so much mental chess that I trip myself up, LOL :)
The second scene required the most research. Originally, this was going to be much more detailed, with descriptions of how the court is set up, where everyone is sitting, etc. but in the end, I wanted to slice to the true heart of the matter - the confrontation between Sango and Karanousuke, when she realizes that he's gone for the biggest possible fish, and perhaps overplayed his hand in doing so. The man who actually killed her little brother isn't the one on trial here, and for that, Sango worries. Perhaps rightly, considering the defendant's ties back to the yakuza.
I basically translated the Japanese court system into familiar parlance, even though they aren't -exactly- analogous. Here are some links about the judicial system, for those interested:
*Judicial system of Japan
*The Japanese Judicial System
*The Judicial System
*Trial proceedings in Japanese District Court
What I found most interesting in doing this research is finding out that, at the district level at least, prosecutors rarely bring charges to trial unless they are 100% sure they will win, hence the fairly high conviction rate. (There is also a lot of plea bargaining, as you can imagine.) So for this trial to happen, Karanousuke *is* telling the truth ~ the prosecutors have enough evidence to nail their guy to the wall.
Sango's angry confrontation with Karanousuke is basically wrapping up his role in this swirling drama. I was initially unsure of how I wanted to leave his character, since there are many ways for a prince-like figure to react to news he finds disdainful - but in the end, I took a cue from the anime. He simply believes he will always have a chance with Sango, because of who he is and what he represents. He can't fathom the idea that she'd choose another over him, just as he couldn't fathom it six chapters ago when he caught Miroku and Sango in bed together.
I thought it only fitting, really, even if his pursuit proves ultimately fruitless.
The final scene is the one I agonized over the most. Originally, I wanted to write another lemon, sort of a nice parallel to chapter seven, showing Miroku and Sango's reunion under terms less than absolute tragedy. By the time I finally made it to the end, however, I thought a better way to go would be with the understated - the moments after the afterglow has faded, when Sango returns to herself and wonders why she can't be happy, if she's finally accomplished everything she's worked so single-mindedly for. This is where the inspiration song comes into play ~ I pulled the summary quote from it, because I thought it really resonated with not only this scene, but this chapter, and the story as a whole.
Sometimes victory can feel hollow, especially when you're thrown so far off life's path that you're wandering around in total confusion. Her life has shifted so much (and so quickly) that her original dreams of happiness, of things she thought would bring her peace aren't nearly as fulfilling as she wants them to be. Just like every other misfortune, she's going to have to learn how to live around it. Her brother is never coming back - her family has irrevocably changed. Seeing the man responsible for that face justice won't change those facts.
Miroku's comfort stands in start contrast to Karanousuke's. He allows her to feel conflicted and confused, to mourn her loss of innocence and happiness. I thought it important to bring back the meaning of her scar, to have him finally confront that and show her how much it doesn't affect his perception of her. By accepting that, I think, he shows her just how much he does care for her.
Perhaps its a cliched ending, but ultimately (in the five or six revisions this scene went through), I thought it resonated the best. He almost told her he loved her when she walked back into his life, only to tell him she was leaving the city for good. Because of his life experiences, he understands the importance of letting go of the pain and the guilt and the despair, and forgiving yourself for the mistakes you might've made in the past.
She didn't say it back, because she's not ready, but I think it's fairly obvious by her thoughts and actions that she does, indeed, love him. They still have a lot of exploring and growing to do, but at least they are finally together, and can move forward from here. A tad bittersweet, but a happy ending nonetheless.
I leave you with a final note ~ a new, beautiful, live rendition of the song that started it all:
I'd like to take a moment and thank everyone who's read, reviewed, and recommended this story; to everyone who's nominated and/or voted for it, for awards; to everyone who has supported this foray into a corner of fandom I never thought I could give justice. For all of your thoughtful commentary, your cheers of motivation, your flattering and kind reviews ~ THANK YOU. It's been one hell of a ride, but I think we're all the better for having journeyed there together =)
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If you're ever in an angsty mood, you might give this fic a try, even if you aren't familiar with the characters ~ my trademark in IY was angsty romance, and I'm told I did it fairly well, LOL.
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