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Reality (Prompt #22) | Inuyasha
Collection Title: Fleeting
Genre: Drama/Romance
Rating: Y
Summary: A collection of oneshots & drabbles centered around the fleeting moments in Sesshoumaru's and Kagome's relationship as they fumble towards one another. AU; Serial.
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un_love_you Prompt Table here. Prompt for this piece is: #22: “I hate myself.”
Title: Reality
Universe: Alternate (modern era)
Rating: T (language, citrus)
Word Count: 3110
Pairing: Sesshoumaru/Kagome
Summary: Sesshoumaru faces the reality of his situation – and makes a decision.
Author’s Note: #10 in a series. Part 1 | Parts 2-9
One day, maybe I will stop writing characters with such rich inner dialogues...damn italics tags!!
Disclaimer: The Inuyasha concept, story, and characters are copyright Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Media.
~*~
Sesshoumaru slumped further into his seat, crowded at the back of the tiny restaurant, hiding from the rest of the noisy patrons behind a thick book. His eyes wandered aimlessly over the page as his mind kicked restlessly, refusing to absorb the information offered.
He shook himself. Get a grip, he told himself, stabbing his chopsticks into his quickly cooling food. This is important – you don’t have time to be daydreaming right now. He was hoping to dash off a few last-minute changes to his latest thesis chapter before his meeting with his advisor that afternoon, but his mind just wasn’t in academic mode at the moment.
No, all he could think about was the luscious girl whose arms had been wrapped around him that morning, and how much he hated himself for enjoying her attentions.
He let the book fall open on the table in front of him. This was not the time to be fantasizing about pretty party girls who happened to share his living space – no, this was the time to put up or shut up. He was taking two extra classes on top of writing his master’s thesis, so he had plenty to keep his mind occupied: classes, discussions, presentations, exams, papers, and the biggie – his thesis – all due by the end of May. He was motivated, all right; his entire future hung in the balance of him graduating from this program on time. And, for the last year and a half, he had been the most diligent person on the planet, working steadily towards his goal.
Then life decided to throw him a few curveballs, just for kicks.
The reason he couldn’t just shove Kagome from his mind like every other interesting distraction in the world was because she would play an inevitable role in that future. She was the daughter of his father’s biggest business rival, and sat on the board of directors for the company where he was planning to secure his first post-graduate position.
Not that he knew any of this until a few days ago, naturally.
That meant he was in a quandary, and he was, for the first time in his life, unable to decide how to proceed. He had too much pride and personal honor to stoop to grubbing the job, by means of using Kagome or her position on the board. However, it was important to land the post, as it was a key in his plan to broker a hostile takeover of his family’s company, as his father seemed increasingly disinclined to honor his promise of allowing Sesshoumaru to gain his inheritance in a normal manner.
And that meant he had a choice to make: either he could resist giving in to his burgeoning personal feelings for this girl, or that he could allow his emotions free reign, and risk her wrath when she learned of his plans.
I really don’t need the distraction, he reminded himself as he paged through the book again, eying the mercilessly tiny print, his enthusiasm for the material waning. I managed to keep myself on track for this long. Giving up my social life for my studies never bothered me before. So…why now? Why her, of all people? She’s not my type…
True, she wasn’t his “type”: she was a veritable whirlwind of friends and acquaintances, so easy with a smile for strangers, charming and delightful and slightly overwhelming to be around. She partied hard, and sometimes risked the consequences of that – such as being shunned by a particular crowd following a disastrous Halloween party – but for the most part, appeared to live an effortless life. He’d long since revised his opinion on her depth of personal responsibility, after learning of her background, but this fiery girl was far from the type he’d dated throughout high school and the first part of university. Back then, he’d gone for the quieter type, the kind with cool personalities and a love of biting sarcasm, who held themselves above the “party crowd” and were serious in their career pursuits. Not that any of these relationships had lasted very long – with the exception of one, he’d grown tired of them quickly, and cut ties with them just as fast.
His last relationship – God, had it really been three years ago already? – had ended so badly, it had driven him from the dating scene completely. He’d thrown himself into his studies, concentrating on his future and the growing rift between his own ambition and his father’s whimsy.
No girl had turned his head since.
Until now.
And of course, she was one he shouldn’t want, much less pursue.
He didn’t know what compelled him to look up then, but his heart stopped as he caught sight of the girl in question, sitting in a booth near the door with a nauseatingly familiar companion.
Kagome…with Inuyasha.
His gut clenched as he watched them, chatting away with ease. I see Father wastes no time, he mused, his anger growing with each passing moment.
His father was interested in Kagome’s family business as well, and was using one of his usual tactics to get it – namely, seducing a board member, worming his way to the inside, setting up a classic divide and conquer. Only, he wasn’t using himself as the bait this time – no, that role had fallen onto the bastard son’s shoulders, and Inuyasha was playing the part of pawn to perfection, it seemed.
So this is how it’s going to be, he realized as Inuyasha took Kagome’s hands in his, reaching across the table to caress her cheek. The gauntlet had been thrown – it was every man for himself, and the one who got to Kagome – or her family’s company – first, won.
You have to protect her from this, whispered the little voice of his conscience, even as a rush of primal protectiveness rolled through him. You care about her. You see what’s happening to her, and you have the chance to do something about it. The only question was – was he willing to risk himself in the process? He knew he was falling for her, and fast, no matter how much he wished to deny it.
That same sense of honor that had saved her from Koga’s clutches was attempting to assert itself now. Then, it had been simple – he had no stake in the matter, other than principle; he hated to see women used so callously for another’s fleeting pleasure.
Now, it was not so simple. He ran the risk of doing exactly what he’d always loathed of others.
There has to be a way, he thought, pushing aside his half-eaten lunch and reaching for his cell. I can find a way to shield her from my father’s clutches…and protect myself as well. He quickly typed out a text, hitting the send button with relish, before glancing back up at the pair across the restaurant.
His relief was palpable as Kagome pulled away from Inuyasha, her entire face lighting up as she received his message: “Looking forward to this evening and am seriously regretting not making it for lunch. How about we do something at home?”
A faint blush stained her cheeks as she typed a response. Inuyasha sank back in his seat, his attention back on his beloved ramen, attacking it with a bit more force than necessary. Kagome sent her message and snapped her phone shut, pocketing it and grabbing her things. Sesshoumaru watched, amused, as she shot up from her seat, waving a hurried goodbye to her surprised companion, and barreled out of the bustling shop.
When he received her reply a few seconds later, his smile only widened.
“Just how serious are your regrets? Dinner, at home, in private? Looking forward to accepting your apologies in person – and I promise to make it worth your while.”
~*~
Sesshoumaru threw his weight against the warped front door of his apartment, a sharp pain coursing across his shoulder and down his arm as the door finally gave way. Goddamn winter, he grumbled, shoving it back into place and throwing the lock. I can’t wait for this weather to be over.
He fumbled with his coat and bag, dropping the latter heavily on the floor as he reached to hang up his winter gear. He had to smile at his own nervousness and anticipation, wondering just sorts of plans what his roommate had cooked up. She had certainly shown creative ways of passing an evening in the past, albeit with other companions.
“Sesshoumaru?” Kagome called, waving a spatula as she rounded the corner of the hall from the kitchen. Her expression melted into a radiant smile as she spotted him. “You’re back!”
He nodded, his gaze sliding down the length of her as she approached. Oh, God, he thought, swallowing convulsively. She was wearing it – that skirt from Halloween – the one that brushed so suggestively against her thighs – and those boots – !
That was as far as his thoughts had the chance to wander; in the next instant her body was flush against his, her arms wrapped around his neck, her mouth achingly close to his.
“I’m ready for my apology,” she whispered, her breath warm against his lips.
His heart thumped heavily in his chest as he caught a whiff of peppermint in the air. He had not expected such an enthusiastic greeting – at the damn door, no less – and found his hard-won internal resistance crumbling swiftly. He’d only just left his thesis advisor’s office, and had precious little time to contemplate just how he was going to handle their date tonight…or whatever this was.
She obviously had other ideas. Very tempting ideas that had little to do with honor or protection.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, not able to even finish his breath before feeling her mouth on his. He accepted her kiss greedily, pulling her close, shoving all doubts from his mind for the time being. It may have been a long time since his last relationship, but he knew better than to waste such an opportunity.
He broke away, lungs burning, as he felt her fingers curling into his hair at the nape of his neck. There was a soft thump behind him as she dropped the spatula; for a moment, they could only stare at each other, chests heaving, hearts beating in unison.
He was about to lean in for another kiss when something else caught his attention. He sniffed discreetly. “Is something burning?” he wondered aloud.
Kagome’s gaze went from sultry to surprised in two seconds flat. “Oh my God!” she cried, pulling out of his embrace, covering her mouth with her hands. “The food!” She turned on her heel and ran back to the kitchen, leaving him in the hall, every single nerve in his body jangling on end.
He had a chance to truly catch his breath then, turning back to the hooks in the hallway. Shit, he thought, struggling to get his heart rate back under control. His mind was flooded with many different things, but a clear and concise plan was not among them. That kiss had unlocked even more hidden feelings, sweet though it may have been.
God, he wanted her, and he wanted her badly, but the only other thought ringing so clearly in his mind at the moment was just exactly who she was. He squeezed his eyes shut, gripping one of the hooks by his head. There’s no way this can end well, he thought morosely. Either way, one of us – fuck, probably both of us – are going to get hurt. He took a deep breath, steeling his spine. So, make your choice, dammit. You can head this off at the pass, before you get in too deep and contemplate ruining your life’s work, or…
“It’s ready,” Kagome called.
He stood, frozen in his spot, his blood pounding in his ears, knuckles white as he gripped the metal hook. He heard her moving around the kitchen, setting the table, moving dishes. After a long moment, he managed to disengage himself, putting one foot in front of the other as he walked through their tiny apartment.
Kagome stood in the doorway of the kitchen, her hands tucked behind her back as she gazed at him directly. “I’m ready,” she said, a hint of nerves edging her tone.
Am I? he wondered.
He cleared his throat, handing her the discarded spatula from before as he peeked into the kitchen. “You made this yourself?” he asked, impressed at the spread that covered their table.
She tossed the dirty implement into the sink. “I certainly did,” she replied with a laugh. “With a little help from the French restaurant down the street.”
He chuckled, and immediately the tension in the room lifted. They settled in opposite chairs, falling into light conversation as they ate. They discussed their day – classes, professors, funny things that happen on the way to a thesis advisor’s office – and though he worked hard to concentrate on the conversation, Sesshoumaru couldn’t help but retreat into his thoughts. He observed her surreptitiously as she chatted away. She was clad somewhat conservatively, in all black – though her top hugged her in all the right places – and she wore her hair loose, falling in soft waves over her shoulders. She had a special glow about her, especially when she discussed topics of interest, her smile wide, her eyes sparkling with mirth and pleasure.
He was happy to let her do most of the talking, and even happier when she reached for his hand across the table, her fingers resting lightly on his. As he allowed himself to internally admire her beauty and engaging wit, couched in the same impassive expression he always wore, he also began to berate himself, for not seeing this side of her before, for not pursuing this avenue when it had first opened up...
As if being with her before realizing she could control his destiny would have made any difference.
The end result was always going to be the same – he was always going to apply for that job with her family’s company, and she was always going to sit on the board of directors.
Still, he couldn’t help but ponder whether the road to that result would’ve been paved with a lot less guilt and self-loathing if this had happened any other way.
He became so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize that their companionable silence had turned awkward. She withdrew her hand from his, pushing back from the table and clearing their plates. He poured himself another glass of wine as she moved stiffly from the table to the sink, stacking the dishes.
“Would you like some tea?” she asked, and that’s when he realized she was upset.
“Sure,” he replied, reaching over to refresh her wine as well. He had a feeling they would both need a bit of fortification – the tension that filled the room could be cut with a knife.
She kept her eyes on her kettle as the water heated, her stance defensive, her back to him (not that he minded so much, in that skirt…). As soon as the kettle whistled, she shut off the stove and gathered everything on a tray, bringing it back to the table.
She was careful to keep her eyes lowered as she went through the motions of making their tea. His internal alarm grew perilously as he watched her, finally reaching out before she could pick up the hot kettle bare-handed.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, not entirely sure he wanted to know.
“I could ask you the same thing,” she replied, lips quivering. “What are you hiding from me?”
His heart stopped.
She took a deep, shuddering breath. “I like you, Sesshoumaru,” she began. “I really, really like you, and I want to make this work.”
He tightened his grip on her hand, sensing there was still more to come. “…and?”
“And that’s just it!” she burst out, looking up at him accusingly. “I’m giving this my all and it feels like you’re just absorbing it. This is a two-way street, you know.”
She barreled on before he could respond. “I know you have your doubts about me, but I also know that you like me, too, or at least find me attractive. Maybe you think I can’t handle whatever it is you’re going through that’s kept you so preoccupied, but I promise you, I can. I’ve been through a lot of shit in my life, from my dad dying to the mess that came afterwards –” She stopped herself, shaking her head vigorously. “That’s not the point, sorry. The point is – I’m a big girl, Sesshoumaru, and I can handle myself.”
“I know that,” he managed to break in, pulling her up short. She looked at him, her eyes searching his face for reassurance, and his heart broke just a little bit. She was already upset, and in this moment, he couldn’t bear the idea of adding to that pain.
A wave of total self-revulsion crashed over him. I hate myself, he thought disgustedly, but I can’t do this to her. We’ll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
Because right now, all he could think about was pulling her into his arms and soothing away her tears.
“I know you can handle this,” he said firmly. “That’s not the problem. I just have a lot going on right now, between my thesis and family drama and…this. I want this, too, Kagome – please, don’t ever doubt that.” He took a deep breath, lacing her fingers through his. “And that’s why I owe you a real apology. I’m sorry for the things I’ve said, and for driving you away over winter break. It was never my intention to hurt you.”
“Thanks,” she replied.
“Let’s just take things slow, okay?” he murmured. “There’s no need to rush into anything just yet…”
Her shoulders relaxed, as if a weight had been lifted from them. “Okay,” she agreed, squeezing his hands. A small smile broke through her dreary expression. “Besides, I’ve never known you to be in a hurry for anything.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Oh no?”
She shrugged playfully. “Not that it bothers me,” she responded, rounding the table and settling in his lap. “I can be leisurely, too, especially when it comes to pleasurable things.”
He feigned innocence as she rested her elbows on his shoulders, her hands drifting into his hair. “And do you have something pleasurable in mind right now?” he teased, his hands skimming over her back.
She eyed him mischievously. “Maybe,” she replied, lowering her lips to his.
Genre: Drama/Romance
Rating: Y
Summary: A collection of oneshots & drabbles centered around the fleeting moments in Sesshoumaru's and Kagome's relationship as they fumble towards one another. AU; Serial.
un_love_you Prompt Table here. Prompt for this piece is: #22: “I hate myself.”Title: Reality
Universe: Alternate (modern era)
Rating: T (language, citrus)
Word Count: 3110
Pairing: Sesshoumaru/Kagome
Summary: Sesshoumaru faces the reality of his situation – and makes a decision.
Author’s Note: #10 in a series. Part 1 | Parts 2-9
One day, maybe I will stop writing characters with such rich inner dialogues...damn italics tags!!
Disclaimer: The Inuyasha concept, story, and characters are copyright Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Media.
Sesshoumaru slumped further into his seat, crowded at the back of the tiny restaurant, hiding from the rest of the noisy patrons behind a thick book. His eyes wandered aimlessly over the page as his mind kicked restlessly, refusing to absorb the information offered.
He shook himself. Get a grip, he told himself, stabbing his chopsticks into his quickly cooling food. This is important – you don’t have time to be daydreaming right now. He was hoping to dash off a few last-minute changes to his latest thesis chapter before his meeting with his advisor that afternoon, but his mind just wasn’t in academic mode at the moment.
No, all he could think about was the luscious girl whose arms had been wrapped around him that morning, and how much he hated himself for enjoying her attentions.
He let the book fall open on the table in front of him. This was not the time to be fantasizing about pretty party girls who happened to share his living space – no, this was the time to put up or shut up. He was taking two extra classes on top of writing his master’s thesis, so he had plenty to keep his mind occupied: classes, discussions, presentations, exams, papers, and the biggie – his thesis – all due by the end of May. He was motivated, all right; his entire future hung in the balance of him graduating from this program on time. And, for the last year and a half, he had been the most diligent person on the planet, working steadily towards his goal.
Then life decided to throw him a few curveballs, just for kicks.
The reason he couldn’t just shove Kagome from his mind like every other interesting distraction in the world was because she would play an inevitable role in that future. She was the daughter of his father’s biggest business rival, and sat on the board of directors for the company where he was planning to secure his first post-graduate position.
Not that he knew any of this until a few days ago, naturally.
That meant he was in a quandary, and he was, for the first time in his life, unable to decide how to proceed. He had too much pride and personal honor to stoop to grubbing the job, by means of using Kagome or her position on the board. However, it was important to land the post, as it was a key in his plan to broker a hostile takeover of his family’s company, as his father seemed increasingly disinclined to honor his promise of allowing Sesshoumaru to gain his inheritance in a normal manner.
And that meant he had a choice to make: either he could resist giving in to his burgeoning personal feelings for this girl, or that he could allow his emotions free reign, and risk her wrath when she learned of his plans.
I really don’t need the distraction, he reminded himself as he paged through the book again, eying the mercilessly tiny print, his enthusiasm for the material waning. I managed to keep myself on track for this long. Giving up my social life for my studies never bothered me before. So…why now? Why her, of all people? She’s not my type…
True, she wasn’t his “type”: she was a veritable whirlwind of friends and acquaintances, so easy with a smile for strangers, charming and delightful and slightly overwhelming to be around. She partied hard, and sometimes risked the consequences of that – such as being shunned by a particular crowd following a disastrous Halloween party – but for the most part, appeared to live an effortless life. He’d long since revised his opinion on her depth of personal responsibility, after learning of her background, but this fiery girl was far from the type he’d dated throughout high school and the first part of university. Back then, he’d gone for the quieter type, the kind with cool personalities and a love of biting sarcasm, who held themselves above the “party crowd” and were serious in their career pursuits. Not that any of these relationships had lasted very long – with the exception of one, he’d grown tired of them quickly, and cut ties with them just as fast.
His last relationship – God, had it really been three years ago already? – had ended so badly, it had driven him from the dating scene completely. He’d thrown himself into his studies, concentrating on his future and the growing rift between his own ambition and his father’s whimsy.
No girl had turned his head since.
Until now.
And of course, she was one he shouldn’t want, much less pursue.
He didn’t know what compelled him to look up then, but his heart stopped as he caught sight of the girl in question, sitting in a booth near the door with a nauseatingly familiar companion.
Kagome…with Inuyasha.
His gut clenched as he watched them, chatting away with ease. I see Father wastes no time, he mused, his anger growing with each passing moment.
His father was interested in Kagome’s family business as well, and was using one of his usual tactics to get it – namely, seducing a board member, worming his way to the inside, setting up a classic divide and conquer. Only, he wasn’t using himself as the bait this time – no, that role had fallen onto the bastard son’s shoulders, and Inuyasha was playing the part of pawn to perfection, it seemed.
So this is how it’s going to be, he realized as Inuyasha took Kagome’s hands in his, reaching across the table to caress her cheek. The gauntlet had been thrown – it was every man for himself, and the one who got to Kagome – or her family’s company – first, won.
You have to protect her from this, whispered the little voice of his conscience, even as a rush of primal protectiveness rolled through him. You care about her. You see what’s happening to her, and you have the chance to do something about it. The only question was – was he willing to risk himself in the process? He knew he was falling for her, and fast, no matter how much he wished to deny it.
That same sense of honor that had saved her from Koga’s clutches was attempting to assert itself now. Then, it had been simple – he had no stake in the matter, other than principle; he hated to see women used so callously for another’s fleeting pleasure.
Now, it was not so simple. He ran the risk of doing exactly what he’d always loathed of others.
There has to be a way, he thought, pushing aside his half-eaten lunch and reaching for his cell. I can find a way to shield her from my father’s clutches…and protect myself as well. He quickly typed out a text, hitting the send button with relish, before glancing back up at the pair across the restaurant.
His relief was palpable as Kagome pulled away from Inuyasha, her entire face lighting up as she received his message: “Looking forward to this evening and am seriously regretting not making it for lunch. How about we do something at home?”
A faint blush stained her cheeks as she typed a response. Inuyasha sank back in his seat, his attention back on his beloved ramen, attacking it with a bit more force than necessary. Kagome sent her message and snapped her phone shut, pocketing it and grabbing her things. Sesshoumaru watched, amused, as she shot up from her seat, waving a hurried goodbye to her surprised companion, and barreled out of the bustling shop.
When he received her reply a few seconds later, his smile only widened.
“Just how serious are your regrets? Dinner, at home, in private? Looking forward to accepting your apologies in person – and I promise to make it worth your while.”
Sesshoumaru threw his weight against the warped front door of his apartment, a sharp pain coursing across his shoulder and down his arm as the door finally gave way. Goddamn winter, he grumbled, shoving it back into place and throwing the lock. I can’t wait for this weather to be over.
He fumbled with his coat and bag, dropping the latter heavily on the floor as he reached to hang up his winter gear. He had to smile at his own nervousness and anticipation, wondering just sorts of plans what his roommate had cooked up. She had certainly shown creative ways of passing an evening in the past, albeit with other companions.
“Sesshoumaru?” Kagome called, waving a spatula as she rounded the corner of the hall from the kitchen. Her expression melted into a radiant smile as she spotted him. “You’re back!”
He nodded, his gaze sliding down the length of her as she approached. Oh, God, he thought, swallowing convulsively. She was wearing it – that skirt from Halloween – the one that brushed so suggestively against her thighs – and those boots – !
That was as far as his thoughts had the chance to wander; in the next instant her body was flush against his, her arms wrapped around his neck, her mouth achingly close to his.
“I’m ready for my apology,” she whispered, her breath warm against his lips.
His heart thumped heavily in his chest as he caught a whiff of peppermint in the air. He had not expected such an enthusiastic greeting – at the damn door, no less – and found his hard-won internal resistance crumbling swiftly. He’d only just left his thesis advisor’s office, and had precious little time to contemplate just how he was going to handle their date tonight…or whatever this was.
She obviously had other ideas. Very tempting ideas that had little to do with honor or protection.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, not able to even finish his breath before feeling her mouth on his. He accepted her kiss greedily, pulling her close, shoving all doubts from his mind for the time being. It may have been a long time since his last relationship, but he knew better than to waste such an opportunity.
He broke away, lungs burning, as he felt her fingers curling into his hair at the nape of his neck. There was a soft thump behind him as she dropped the spatula; for a moment, they could only stare at each other, chests heaving, hearts beating in unison.
He was about to lean in for another kiss when something else caught his attention. He sniffed discreetly. “Is something burning?” he wondered aloud.
Kagome’s gaze went from sultry to surprised in two seconds flat. “Oh my God!” she cried, pulling out of his embrace, covering her mouth with her hands. “The food!” She turned on her heel and ran back to the kitchen, leaving him in the hall, every single nerve in his body jangling on end.
He had a chance to truly catch his breath then, turning back to the hooks in the hallway. Shit, he thought, struggling to get his heart rate back under control. His mind was flooded with many different things, but a clear and concise plan was not among them. That kiss had unlocked even more hidden feelings, sweet though it may have been.
God, he wanted her, and he wanted her badly, but the only other thought ringing so clearly in his mind at the moment was just exactly who she was. He squeezed his eyes shut, gripping one of the hooks by his head. There’s no way this can end well, he thought morosely. Either way, one of us – fuck, probably both of us – are going to get hurt. He took a deep breath, steeling his spine. So, make your choice, dammit. You can head this off at the pass, before you get in too deep and contemplate ruining your life’s work, or…
“It’s ready,” Kagome called.
He stood, frozen in his spot, his blood pounding in his ears, knuckles white as he gripped the metal hook. He heard her moving around the kitchen, setting the table, moving dishes. After a long moment, he managed to disengage himself, putting one foot in front of the other as he walked through their tiny apartment.
Kagome stood in the doorway of the kitchen, her hands tucked behind her back as she gazed at him directly. “I’m ready,” she said, a hint of nerves edging her tone.
Am I? he wondered.
He cleared his throat, handing her the discarded spatula from before as he peeked into the kitchen. “You made this yourself?” he asked, impressed at the spread that covered their table.
She tossed the dirty implement into the sink. “I certainly did,” she replied with a laugh. “With a little help from the French restaurant down the street.”
He chuckled, and immediately the tension in the room lifted. They settled in opposite chairs, falling into light conversation as they ate. They discussed their day – classes, professors, funny things that happen on the way to a thesis advisor’s office – and though he worked hard to concentrate on the conversation, Sesshoumaru couldn’t help but retreat into his thoughts. He observed her surreptitiously as she chatted away. She was clad somewhat conservatively, in all black – though her top hugged her in all the right places – and she wore her hair loose, falling in soft waves over her shoulders. She had a special glow about her, especially when she discussed topics of interest, her smile wide, her eyes sparkling with mirth and pleasure.
He was happy to let her do most of the talking, and even happier when she reached for his hand across the table, her fingers resting lightly on his. As he allowed himself to internally admire her beauty and engaging wit, couched in the same impassive expression he always wore, he also began to berate himself, for not seeing this side of her before, for not pursuing this avenue when it had first opened up...
As if being with her before realizing she could control his destiny would have made any difference.
The end result was always going to be the same – he was always going to apply for that job with her family’s company, and she was always going to sit on the board of directors.
Still, he couldn’t help but ponder whether the road to that result would’ve been paved with a lot less guilt and self-loathing if this had happened any other way.
He became so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize that their companionable silence had turned awkward. She withdrew her hand from his, pushing back from the table and clearing their plates. He poured himself another glass of wine as she moved stiffly from the table to the sink, stacking the dishes.
“Would you like some tea?” she asked, and that’s when he realized she was upset.
“Sure,” he replied, reaching over to refresh her wine as well. He had a feeling they would both need a bit of fortification – the tension that filled the room could be cut with a knife.
She kept her eyes on her kettle as the water heated, her stance defensive, her back to him (not that he minded so much, in that skirt…). As soon as the kettle whistled, she shut off the stove and gathered everything on a tray, bringing it back to the table.
She was careful to keep her eyes lowered as she went through the motions of making their tea. His internal alarm grew perilously as he watched her, finally reaching out before she could pick up the hot kettle bare-handed.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, not entirely sure he wanted to know.
“I could ask you the same thing,” she replied, lips quivering. “What are you hiding from me?”
His heart stopped.
She took a deep, shuddering breath. “I like you, Sesshoumaru,” she began. “I really, really like you, and I want to make this work.”
He tightened his grip on her hand, sensing there was still more to come. “…and?”
“And that’s just it!” she burst out, looking up at him accusingly. “I’m giving this my all and it feels like you’re just absorbing it. This is a two-way street, you know.”
She barreled on before he could respond. “I know you have your doubts about me, but I also know that you like me, too, or at least find me attractive. Maybe you think I can’t handle whatever it is you’re going through that’s kept you so preoccupied, but I promise you, I can. I’ve been through a lot of shit in my life, from my dad dying to the mess that came afterwards –” She stopped herself, shaking her head vigorously. “That’s not the point, sorry. The point is – I’m a big girl, Sesshoumaru, and I can handle myself.”
“I know that,” he managed to break in, pulling her up short. She looked at him, her eyes searching his face for reassurance, and his heart broke just a little bit. She was already upset, and in this moment, he couldn’t bear the idea of adding to that pain.
A wave of total self-revulsion crashed over him. I hate myself, he thought disgustedly, but I can’t do this to her. We’ll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
Because right now, all he could think about was pulling her into his arms and soothing away her tears.
“I know you can handle this,” he said firmly. “That’s not the problem. I just have a lot going on right now, between my thesis and family drama and…this. I want this, too, Kagome – please, don’t ever doubt that.” He took a deep breath, lacing her fingers through his. “And that’s why I owe you a real apology. I’m sorry for the things I’ve said, and for driving you away over winter break. It was never my intention to hurt you.”
“Thanks,” she replied.
“Let’s just take things slow, okay?” he murmured. “There’s no need to rush into anything just yet…”
Her shoulders relaxed, as if a weight had been lifted from them. “Okay,” she agreed, squeezing his hands. A small smile broke through her dreary expression. “Besides, I’ve never known you to be in a hurry for anything.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Oh no?”
She shrugged playfully. “Not that it bothers me,” she responded, rounding the table and settling in his lap. “I can be leisurely, too, especially when it comes to pleasurable things.”
He feigned innocence as she rested her elbows on his shoulders, her hands drifting into his hair. “And do you have something pleasurable in mind right now?” he teased, his hands skimming over her back.
She eyed him mischievously. “Maybe,” she replied, lowering her lips to his.
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Men. Never ones to share their emotions ;)
That poor coat rack bared the brunt of his aggravation this go-round, lol.
Awesome job, as per usual!
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I can not help but wonder what would happen if he just told her the truth to what he was feeling...
If he did that, then I wouldn't have much story left to tell, now would I? LOL, it'd render half the remaining prompts null and void!
Plus, it was about time they got together 'for real'. Here's a minor spoiler - in the next chapter, they get to have some fun!
Men. Never ones to share their emotions ;)
And this one, in particular, shares even less than the usual.
You have no idea how hard it was to write that conversation at the end (the "serious" part, not the flirty part), because everything I was coming up with in response to her accusations was schmoopy and apologetic and sounded weak - and I think we can agree that even this incarnation of Sesshoumaru is none of those things, LOL.
That poor coat rack bared the brunt of his aggravation this go-round, lol.
A disturbingly large amount of this fic is based on things in my RL, and the description of their shared apartment is one of them. The hooks are attached to the wall in a line, like what you'd see in a coatroom - thus, he was able to despair and not do any damage, hahaha.
It's fun writing him struggling to maintain his composure :)
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(I always felt Inuyasha had a right to complain about the way K let Kouga fondle her and accept his declarations of love) She laid down the law to him.
He does need to tell her how he is feeling. Inuyasha certainly is not bashful in doing that. Kagome wants Sess, but she wants him to speak his mind. She has
been open to him. He needs to open up.
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Worthy of the prompt "I hate myself", no? :)
Yes, I think one of the reasons he's struggling so hard is that he can't reconcile wanting to use her family's company as ruthlessly as his father uses people. His line in the sand is just drawn a little closer, I suppose - but they aren't as different as he likes to think.
Interesting parallels you've drawn to the manga, especially Kagome's relationship there with Koga. Thanks! :) It's something I haven't been conscious of in the writing of this piece.
She has been open to him. He needs to open up.
Well - sort of. She's not being loud and proud with all of her insecurities about the relationship, either (not that anybody would be, mind you!), but she is a bit more open with her emotions in general. He's very good at hiding his.
Don't worry, all of this is going to come back and bite him in the ass, so he definitely won't be 'getting away with' this behavior. I've built it this way for a reason.
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This is totally excellent!
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I also liked how you showed that ,despite Sesshomaru's belief, Kagome's life is not as carefree as it seems either.
Yes, they all have their secrets here - nobody is exactly as they seem. That's why, though not necessary to read the whole collection to understand each individual piece, it *does* help piece together the characters in a more objective way. Maybe you can follow my trail? LOL :D
Fodder for future prompts?
It's all fodder for future prompts. As I mentioned upthread, if I had Sesshoumaru confessing everything here (not only would it be rather OOC of him), half of the story would disappear, because half of the remaining prompts would be voided! There are some doozies left!
But, it was time to bring them together and let them have a bit of fun. Let's just say, the smutty fluffy muses are happy they finally get a bit of a say in this piece!
Thanks for your thoughts, some of them stand in interesting contrast to my own, and let me know I'm doing things right, LOL :) I've never been good at foreshadowing (I always feel that I'm laying it on too thick - but then, when you already know what's going on in the rest of the story, you always think its obvious to others!), but here, I seem to have struck a nice balance :)
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I get the feeling both of them are going at her from the wrong perspective... I foresee MUCH angst in the future!
You are definitely on the right track with this notion...but then, there's still how many angst-inducing prompts left? LOL.