luxken27 | Illicit

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Pairing: Sesshoumaru/Kagome
Rating: X (explicit sex)
Inspiration: “Etchings #4” by

technoelfie
Based upon: “Feel Good Drag” © 2008 Stephen Christian, Joseph Milligan (Anberlin)

*falls over* Hoshit, did I just write porn?

Well, with inspirations like those, who couldn't? (That art piece, BTW, can also be viewed at deviantArt; I believe its behind the mature filter, though.)

So...time to exercise those citrus-writing skills. This is one of two song-based lemonfics I have planned, and this one really kinda sorta came out of nowhere. I was listening to internet radio (still haven't found a decent station - recs, please?), and this is one of the songs that ear-wormed its way into my head. Those of you on my f-list already know the LOLarious backstory to this, but basically: there's some debate over whether or not Anberlin is actually a Christian rock band. Their Wiki doesn't list it (well, not all the time), but various lyrics sites have erupted into flamewars over it. I'm inclined to believe where there's smoke, there's fire, so here's a bit of irony for you ~ hearing a song by a Christian rock band and basically having my mind go straight into the gutter, never to return.

So yes - I heard the song, was struck by the lyrics (below), and then was struck by this idea of forbidden/taboo relationships. This is one of the reasons I like the Sess/Kag pairing so much, because its plays into some of these very same ideas - which is what I did here. This is probably about as close to PWP as I'm ever going to get, seeing as how this is mostly about the sex and very little about what actually drew the characters into the sex - though that's not to say the implications aren't explored.

What's the backstory? There isn't much more of one than what's already in the fic itself; this is one of those times where the justifications I worked up for myself just didn't quite ring true, so I think it stands better like this, rather fuzzy around the edges, allowing the reader to supply the details from their own minds and experiences. It's AU, of course, and there's some mention of "demonic heritage," so take that as you will. Since I strive for realism over the fantastic, no, that doesn't automatically make Sesshoumaru into the most awesome.lovah.evah.

Perhaps the most interesting bit - which was intentional - was the way I built up the revelation of the identity of Kagome's lover in the story. He isn't explicitly mentioned until the end of the piece, though a hint to his identity is given about halfway through, which will (hopefully) build a knot of tension and dread in the reader's stomach, a matching pair to the one twisting through Kagome's guts. Oh, yes, if you've read any of my work, you well know my deep and abiding love of the angst, and it's here in freaking SPADES.

This is what I'd consider a true songfic, in that I weave the lyrics of the song into the dialogue and/or actions of the piece, as well as quote pertinent lines as scene breaks. These are incredibly hard to write (especially as dialogue, which can sound so OOC coming from someone as non-outwardly-angsty as Sesshoumaru), and in fact, I don't consider myself to have written one since Coda, published almost exactly a year ago. But they are oh-so-incredibly fun to work on, and if you hit it just right, they can stand rather successfully as well =)

psyco_chick32 was my very lovely beta for the piece, and she's the one who convinced me to publish it, in its whole form, on FF.net. There's really not a good place to cut out some of the more explicit stuff, as the angst is woven through every scene, every act, and helps build up to the ending. So *crosses fingers* it won't be booted for 1) being too 'adult' or 2) containing copyrighted song lyrics.

I sent this piece off to another set of eyes (not my usual forte) because I just have no confidence at all when it comes to the citrus. I know I consider this to be a lemon, but am I the only one? It's not dirty or crude or overflowing with purple prose, but it does contain fairly explicit description of sexual acts. How explicit must a piece be to be considered a true lemon? I ask, because I truly don't know, and I feel a bit ashamed admitting I have such a tough time with them, if what I write is so tame its not even worthy of the label...

So - enjoy. Feedback is welcomed/appreciated, here or at one of the archives. As I said, this is the first of two lemony fics I've planned to write; the other is Mir/San and based on an Airbourne Toxic Event song. I'm still working out the details there, but hopefully it will be surfacing soon as well.

Lyrics to the song (I've bolded the ones actually appearing in the story):

"I'm here for you," she said / "and we can stay for awhile
my boyfriend's gone / we can just pretend."
Lips that need no introduction / Now who's the greater sin
Your drab eyes seem to invite / (tell me darling) Where do we begin?

Was this over before / before it ever began
Your kiss / your calls / your crutch
Like the devil's got your hand
This was over before / before it ever began
Your lips / your lies / your lust
Like the devil's in your hands

Everyone in this town / is seeing somebody else
Everybody's tired of someone / our eyes wander for help
Prayers that need no answer now / cause I'm tired of who I am
You were my greatest mistake / I fell in love with your sin
Your littlest sin

Failure is your disease
You want my outline drawn
You are my greatest failure
Discourse your saving song

Consider this practice/semi-spoiling for the later chapters of Fleeting; alternatively, if you're unsure of the mood I'm attempting to set, think back to those "Doubt" and "Desperation" chapters, and if the characters had actually had sex there - this is a good approximation of why they didn't.

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O.O Gush on FF.net.

O.O Gush on FF.net.

O.O No kidding!! I shall respond to it here, if that's okay... :)

I like the style of writing you used here. Explicit without being tasteless, descriptive without me feeling like a voyeur, sensual without being overloaded. Lovely.

Well, I try to write something I'd want to read; this is the sort of style I enjoy the most, and you can probably tell its highly influenced by my romance-novel-reading, LOL. I tried my damndest to make this less personal, a little more quick-and-dirty, as that was my original idea, to really get across Kagome's lust and desire...but I think this works just as well, since it was such an emotional sequence of events on Kagome's end.

But I'm really glad the style appealed!

Kagome's dilemma is so clearly sketched out - she loves Sesshy but she is in love with Inuyasha: or should I say she is in lust with Sesshy?

To hear this makes me feel much better ~ I wasn't sure how much sense it would make without my usual ten tons of backstory. I was going most for the forbidden aspect, the idea of taking your boyfriend's brother as a secret lover, relishing and yet feeling so guilty about it, all at the same time. Is she in love? Or lust? I dunno...but she's very confused, that's for sure. And angsty :P

You are now officially my Citrus Sensei (ridiculous as that title sounds, I worship you and your awesome powers of writing).

*blush* Well obviously you would consider this a lemon, I suppose, to grant me such an honor? :P I appreciate it! I'm not sure how to pass along my knowledge, though - just write what you like to read? Oh, and have an exquisitely awesome/drool-worthy piece of art as fodder for your muse...hot damn, but I'm getting a lot of mileage out of that portrait of Sesshoumaru!!

Are you going to keep it a oneshot? Imagine what you could do with an infusion of plot, drama and a MEGAdose of angst. :D

Yes, this is just going to be a oneshot. It's just as much practice for some of my other stories as it is a piece to stand on its own. As I said, I don't have much confidence in this area because I don't read a lot of smutty fanfic, so I don't know what's considered 'good' as opposed to 'awful'. I write what I like and pray it won't be shredded to bits when I foist it upon the world.

I tried my damndest to make this less personal, a little more quick-and-dirty, as that was my original idea, to really get across Kagome's lust and desire...but I think this works just as well, since it was such an emotional sequence of events on Kagome's end.
Ahhh... *nodsnods* Now that you point it out... *is impressed*

I wasn't sure how much sense it would make without my usual ten tons of backstory.
It was good! In that many words you introduced the whole love triangle and Kagome's guilt and angst. There is a difference between explicit and implied themes - and you did a marvelous job of using the explicit to create the implied.

I'm not sure how to pass along my knowledge, though - just write what you like to read?
:) Some time in the distant future, I'm going to put up my attempt at a lemon and you're going to find it oddly familiar... LOL.

It's just as much practice for some of my other stories as it is a piece to stand on its own. As I said, I don't have much confidence in this area because I don't read a lot of smutty fanfic, so I don't know what's considered 'good' as opposed to 'awful'. I write what I like and pray it won't be shredded to bits when I foist it upon the world.
This is good. Don't worry about it - apparently your writing skills are flexible enough to survive the shift :D

Ahhh... *nodsnods* Now that you point it out... *is impressed*

Well, I tried, but I don't know how much I succeeded. My smutty fluffy muse wanted a little more love infused in the situation, and ultimately it won out - only to be skewered at the end, mwahaha. This was supposed to be an exercise to relieve them as well (they've been clamoring all over my brain with ideas for the final chapters of Fleeting), and to some extent, it did.

So maybe I can get the next chapter of that out soon as well! =)

There is a difference between explicit and implied themes - and you did a marvelous job of using the explicit to create the implied.

*gapes*

Wow, thank you!! I try to follow the 'show, don't tell' / 'less is more' rule of thumb, and its hard to strike that right balance, and connect just enough dots...but I guess I'm getting pretty good at writing angsty fic - goodness knows I've had enough practice, LOL!!

:) Some time in the distant future, I'm going to put up my attempt at a lemon and you're going to find it oddly familiar... LOL.

One of the things I've struggled with is bringing something fresh to the table, each time I set pen to paper. I always want to write at least a variation on the theme - and since I already have acts planned out for other pieces, I went searching for others to use in their stead. I have a couple of great resources I can share with you, if you'd like :)

apparently your writing skills are flexible enough to survive the shift :D

*crosses fingers* So far, so good! =)

My smutty fluffy muse wanted a little more love infused in the situation, and ultimately it won out - only to be skewered at the end
Ouch - the Sess/Kag shipper in me wanted a happy ending but alas, it was not meant to be. *sulks and eagerly waits for Fleeting to come out*

I try to follow the 'show, don't tell' / 'less is more' rule of thumb, and its hard to strike that right balance, and connect just enough dots...but I guess I'm getting pretty good at writing angsty fic - goodness knows I've had enough practice, LOL!!
LOL indeed! :) Well, you make striking the balance look easy; like one of those dancers who contort themselves into a pretzel while beaming as though they're having fun and make you think you can do that too. :P
Personally, I draw my angst from my RL (and over-dramatic Chinese drama serials as how-not-to examples) :D

One of the things I've struggled with is bringing something fresh to the table, each time I set pen to paper. I always want to write at least a variation on the theme - and since I already have acts planned out for other pieces, I went searching for others to use in their stead
O.O As always, I am seriously impressed by the amount of loving effort you put into your fanfic. All I have to show for my work is a handful of scribbled notes; the rest is stored in my head.

I have a couple of great resources I can share with you, if you'd like :)
I'd like that very much. :D

Ouch - the Sess/Kag shipper in me wanted a happy ending but alas, it was not meant to be. *sulks and eagerly waits for Fleeting to come out*

Oh, their happy ending is coming :) And maybe you should join

ebony_silks, I've been writing a lot of schmoopy romantic stuff for their prompts of late :P

Well, you make striking the balance look easy; like one of those dancers who contort themselves into a pretzel while beaming as though they're having fun and make you think you can do that too. :P

That's quite the compliment O.O Wow, what a thrilling notion, that my stuff can make others want to write - I think that's about the nicest, most flattering thing one can say to writer, even a humble fanfic writer...

...

Wow! *cannot handle the deluge*

O.O As always, I am seriously impressed by the amount of loving effort you put into your fanfic. All I have to show for my work is a handful of scribbled notes; the rest is stored in my head.

What fun is it to write the same thing over and over again? Where's the challenge in that? Where's the sense of satisfaction in completion?

No, as I said in my notes, I'm nothing if not ambitious, choosing the most difficult path - most of the time, because its also the most appealing. If it means extra work, well then - it means extra work. The muses work at their own pace anyway, so I often have quite a bit of free time to devote to research :P

Personally, I draw my angst from my RL (and over-dramatic Chinese drama serials as how-not-to examples) :D

I draw inspiration from everything around me - my own experiences and life, that of my friends', TV, art, literature, music, movies, whatever. Just be observant - you never know when it'll come back to you and fill in a gap!

I'd like that very much. :D

Check yer PMs :)

I've been writing a lot of schmoopy romantic stuff for their prompts of late :P
Why not? :D

Wow! *cannot handle the deluge*
:D

No, as I said in my notes, I'm nothing if not ambitious, choosing the most difficult path - most of the time, because it's also the most appealing. If it means extra work, well then - it means extra work. The muses work at their own pace anyway, so I often have quite a bit of free time to devote to research :P
And that makes for excellent (if not massive) chapters. That's true - the more work you put in, the greater satisfaction you get. My own muses refuse to move at a stately pace: they zip around nearly at the speed of light, disappear for weeks on end without even a by-your-leave and when they get an idea, reappear and demand it written. *rubs head* Free time... would be lovely.

Just be observant - you never know when it'll come back to you and fill in a gap!
So true *nodsnods* I keep almost everything in my skull: a phrase, a twist of plot, a piece of music... a lot of it comes out in my writing.

Check yer PMs :)
Checked, noted and put on the reference list.

First of all, you wrote porn!! That suprised me. It's been a while. This was unexpected, angsty and wonderful. The way Sesshomaru went from all warm and loving (for him) back to the cold as ice person we know at the end was rocking! I almost felt sorry for Kagome but I couldn't blame him for the reaction. I really enjoyed this.

First of all, you wrote porn!!

I did? Hooray! :D :D :D

This was unexpected, angsty and wonderful.

Thanks! Exactly what I was going for. As I was pondering just exactly which way I wanted to go with this, I had to decide between being very dialogue-heavy, thus giving Sesshoumaru more of a role (and using more of the lyrics), or if I wanted this to be more about the dichotomy between Kagome's feelings, trying to portray her as being consumed by lies and guilt while engaging in some pretty hot sex.

Of course, I went for the latter because I'm nothing if not a fool for a challenge! Dunno how well I succeeded, but there you go.

The way Sesshomaru went from all warm and loving (for him) back to the cold as ice person we know at the end was rocking! I almost felt sorry for Kagome but I couldn't blame him for the reaction.

Well, it was interesting. You kinda hafeta sacrifice characterization on the altar of the pr0nz, especially for a series like this where there's hardly any canon kissing, much less anything more. But one of the ways I enjoy writing Sesshoumaru in these sensual sort of situations is as if he has a sense of humor and tease about it - I can imagine if someone got close enough to him to actually have sex with him, he would feel pretty comfortable in their presence, enough to let that side of himself show. But originally, he wasn't supposed to have any dialogue, until the end, just to show how much Kagome viewed him as a sinful, forbidden object of her lust...but you know with Sess, the tiniest little details are the ones that count. Having him mostly silent, and yet still being able to convey the change in his thoughts and actions, is pretty tricky. But its why I <3 him, hehe, and relish rising to the challenge!

Well, you did awesome. It was tasteful and still hot. Sometimes it's really easy to slid down the slippy smut slope but you stayed away from that so kudos! I hate the use of the word porn in my previous statement was so misinterpreted. o.O

I think you did really good with Sesshomaru. It was like you could see him coming to the realization of what Kagome was going to do through his actions before Kagome even realized it in her own head. I agree with you about if Sess let someone get close enough to be in a sexual relationship, they would see his more personable side.

It was tasteful and still hot.

Awesome :) I don't think I'll ever be able to write anything really kinky or porny - its not the sort of thing I like to read, so why would I write it?

It was like you could see him coming to the realization of what Kagome was going to do through his actions before Kagome even realized it in her own head.

It's definitely there - and since this was supposed to be almost exclusively from Kagome's point of view, I wasn't sure if it would be noticeable. We're never inside his head in this piece...but with him, actions definitely speak louder than words.

I honestly didn't even think much about characterization, since I was going for the lemony aspects - but if I managed to keep them relatively in character beyond that, its like extra icing on the awesome cake :D :D :D

I do not really think that what you wrote is porn. In the US porn violates community standards, shows sex in a patently offensive manner, and taken as a whole is without any social, literary, artistic, or political value.

I enjoyed your story. Kagome wants to love Inuyasha since she is marrying him, but she had doubts because her feelings for Sesshoumaru. When she is finished with Sesshoumaru, she knows she loves him,but she still wants to marry Inuyasha. Sesshoumaru's last line is the key difference between your story and all the rest. For him if she was still willing to marry Inuyasha
after what they did then it was finished before it started.

I do not really think that what you wrote is porn. In the US porn violates community standards, shows sex in a patently offensive manner, and taken as a whole is without any social, literary, artistic, or political value.

Well, thanks (I think). Mostly, I'm a little fuzzy on the definition of a lemon, I guess; I could never just write outright porn because I don't read it - I like something that engages my imagination, not describes in cold, clinical detail, the varies ways Tab A fits into Slot B.

My question regarding "what is a lemon" was genuine, because it seems the bar just keeps getting raised; plus the fact that I don't always have the same intrinsic sense of fandom definitions as the common store. So...yeah. It's more than just my 4 am insecurity talking.

Sesshoumaru's last line is the key difference between your story and all the rest.

Best line of the song, IMO.

Sesshoumaru doesn't do things by halves, and I can't really see him willing to continue sharing a woman with his brother, especially if she makes a greater commitment to the other man. He has his reasons for his actions, but like usual, he doesn't share them with the rest of the world. I like that about him, as unhealthy as it may seem.

Killer last line! I love how Kagome's guilt is woven through this. The character stuff is great (even speaking as one who does not know the canon).

o.O Well you could knock me over with a feather! I'm always surprised when non-fandom friends read my work. Glad you enjoyed it so much!! I dunno how great the characterization is, since the series itself isn't exactly brimming with sexual innuendo, but its the one I carry inside myself for these characters. Kagome is the likeliest of them all to wage war with herself over silly actions she jumps into without thinking.

That last line is the second chorus of the song, and probably my favorite. I love the way the muses managed to twist it - this is probably one of my most favorite endings I've ever written :D

I love the ambiguity throughout--you've supplied enough detail of backstory to get the picture, but the overwhelming feeling, at least as I read it, is guilt, angst-oozing guilt. Wonder what would have happened if the questions had been asked before, rather than after, the deed was done. Would they still have acted the same way? Would it have been a giant reality check, or just turned them on more? Forbidden fruit and all.

Speaking of fruit! I define a lemon as a fic with a sex scene, or the sex scene itself, can be mild or explicit. So yeah, definitely a lemon, but not porn...imo.

And LOL Christian rock band :D I had the same reaction when my daughter had me watch a Flyleaf video on YouTube. I thought, Yay! She likes a band that doesn't make me want to butcher things! Then I found out they are a Christian band. Don't have anything against Christians--know many wonderful ones--but it always deflates me when I have to second guess the lyrics. Is that song about throbbing, angsty lust or...a hymn to The Lord?

you've supplied enough detail of backstory to get the picture, but the overwhelming feeling, at least as I read it, is guilt, angst-oozing guilt.

Yes indeed - the note I made about my plot choices was this: "Use of dialogue? Or the contrast of her inner turmoil vs the hot sex with a beautiful, forbidden lover?"

And you know me, I love a challenge - to write a piece with minimal dialogue, yet to convey subtle changes in attitude or reaction, and to make an emotional contrast to a physical act? That was just too enticing to pass up - and maybe, admittedly, it gave me some justification for doing this, beyond the writing practice.

Wonder what would have happened if the questions had been asked before, rather than after, the deed was done. Would they still have acted the same way? Would it have been a giant reality check, or just turned them on more? Forbidden fruit and all.

Well, I meant to imply that they'd been having a sexual relationship for some time, a sort of "no questions asked" deal, one that Kagome thought was merely based on physical attraction/chemistry/lust. Seeing her resolve crumble in the very face of him is the first clue that maybe there's something more to it than she wants to admit, even to herself.

I was very much going for a forbidden fruit theme (well, obviously :P), so I'm glad that came through loud and clear, from all the fuzzy, not-quite-supplied backstory.

Speaking of fruit! I define a lemon as a fic with a sex scene, or the sex scene itself, can be mild or explicit. So yeah, definitely a lemon, but not porn...imo.

Cool! ... No seriously, I feel like I'm treading unfamiliar territory here, so I'll take all the guidance I can get. I'm much more at home with emotional turmoil and introspection...usually by the time the story resolves into a lemon, I feel like I've gotten what I'm going to get out of it. So, I'm glad this little experiment was a success! I'm looking forward to applying all this feedback onto my next bits of fic.

Don't have anything against Christians--know many wonderful ones--but it always deflates me when I have to second guess the lyrics. Is that song about throbbing, angsty lust or...a hymn to The Lord?

THIS. THIS THIS THIS OMG THIS. It's not that I have anything against them being a Christian band - but I hear that song, I read those lyrics, and all I see is sex. I see no indication at all that they are praising the Lord or damning the damned. It just kinda makes me feel icky to see unintentional innuendo, you know? Icky...and kinda amused :P

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